Going swimming should just be a normal every day thing. Okay, well not for us, we only go swimming a few times a year, but still, nothing should be quite extra ordinary about a swim in a lake. You get in, timidly, and then duck under, take a swim, and get out. That was my plan for yesterday. Well, duck in until my neck, I used to like to get my head wet, but now I hate having my hair wet while I'm trying to get warm after a cold swim. But you get the picture. :)
So, yesterday I was joking around with the Duke in the water, and then wanted to just kind of float for a while, but while being able to be close to him still. The best way I found to do this was to come up to him from behind, wrap my arms around just below his neck, and just kind of float. All good so far, I'm all relaxed, and with the Duke at the same time.
But then the Duke reached his arms back, and slowly brought my body to his, I didn't understand his intentions until I was on his back piggy back style. I thought this was really cute, until he leaned forward just a bit, and grabbed my ankles in his hands. He moved, and I no longer had balance, the only thing keeping me on the Duke's back were my arms around his neck, and his hold on my ankles, I couldn't even really use my thighs to hold on with how he had me.
He walked out into deeper water, water in which I couldn't touch the ground. I don't mind in a pool being dropped into water where I can't touch bottom, but in a lake, where I have no idea how deep the water is, I somehow don't feel safe unless I can touch the bottom and get a bit panicked if I've gone out too far. So, I started to panic, not a lot, but enough that I was physically struggling just a bit to get free.
The Duke's grasp on my ankles tightened as he gained more control of me. And then he stopped walking. "I want you to trust me." He said it soft yet firm, with a bit of disappointment laced into his words over that fact that I wasn't already doing so. I amazed myself and forced myself to calm down. He wasn't going to throw me in, I knew that. He wasn't going to trip, he is 3/4 of a foot taller than me, he had kept up a good balance and what was too deep for me, was still only at his chest. He was strong, I am heavy, but the water was keeping me from weighing too much for him to handle. So what was I afraid of? The fact that I couldn't touch the bottom was overruling my ability to realize the Duke had me firm in his grasp. I trusted him, and I had to let that overrule my fear.
So for the next ten minutes, the Duke toted me around the edges of where I couldn't reach. He took me back, only to get me to hold him from the front, our stomachs touching, and then without warning, he repeated the exercise. I was all relaxed and completely let go. He had me, and I could trust that he did.
The whole reason we were even at the lake is that we went camping with my church family this weekend, and swimming was one of the activities. So when we came back up on shore after all of this, a fireman friend and a couple of the men asked me if the Duke was practicing rescuing me, that is what it looked like at one point from where he was sitting. I laughed and said no. But then I thought about it. The Duke wasn't practicing, but he was rescuing me, from my fears, from my need to control certain things, even rescuing me from myself. I was the one that needed the practice.
I didn't realize the lessons in store for me that day, I'm not sure the Duke even knew himself before we were in the water, but I'm very glad he challenged me. It helped me trust him in a whole new way, and I was very thankful for yet another way to let go and let him care for me. And I am also thankful that the Duke is very proud of how I let him take control. It made me feel all good inside to see the pride on his face, pride that I helped give him, and in a funny way, it made me want to be all the more submissive for him.