Wednesday, July 03, 2013

The Duke Steps Up

As you can see, it's been over a week since I last wrote.  11:11, and that is the time.  My favorite time of day. :)  Someday I'll tell you about the little blessing God has given me in that number.  But I digress.

So, this week was going to be my week to relax.  Any of you who read here, or have emailed me, know I've been dying to finally have time to relax.  BUT, do you think my cats got the memo?  One did, the other?  Thought I needed more stuff to do!  Now, let me start by saying that my cats are great.  Yes, they do annoy me at times, but over all, they are princes.  They listen, they know the word no, and one of them is smarter than me, I swear.  I only have to tell D to do something, and he will.  Well, except clean my house... hmmm.  LOL  the other one, J, is a normal cat, but put him next to my brilliant one, D, and J just seems down right stupid.  My poor baby.

Now, before I tell you how much I wanted to kill him this week, let me tell you that even though he is the longest cat I have ever seen, he can stand on his hind legs and swipe his front paws to the back of my counters, he is a complete cuddle bunny.  He loves to sit with his butt in my lap and his front legs hanging over my right shoulder.  But he's also a scardy cat.  Terrified of anything different.  If I even move the blankets on my bed the wrong way he literally shoots a foot in the air and then runs away like an acme cartoon character where it seems like there legs are going full throttle, but they take a few seconds before the rest of them start moving.  lol

So this past week he got scared, and peed outside of his litter.  HE NEVER DOES THIS.  and wouldn't you know, it would be THE ONLY carpeted room in my place.  It reeked.  So Thursday had me trying to figure out where he peed.  Friday had me emptying the WHOLE room and renting a carpet shampooer.  Friday night had to vaccum and shampoo that carpet, plus a room for my landlord and a tall set of stairs for him.  Man was I sore after doing both for his stairs.  Saturday morning the guestroom smelt worse, so I shampooed it again, this time going over the two places I thought he might have peed three times.  Well, by Sunday, my whole place smelt like mildew.  :(  Monday had me pouring 4kgs of baking soda over every inch of the floor.  It took all I had in me at this point to not yell at J, I was so unhappy.  But yelling would only freak him out more, and I didn't want to turn his one time pee mistake into a repeat behaviour.  In the mean time, I was running fans, leaving lights on, spraying vinegar, and I was just down right frustrated.  So last night the place smelled better.  So I vacuumed again.

So what is the point in all this story?

The night before I was overwhelmed. As you all know, if my house is out of order, I get stressed.  Well having almost a week of it, with stuff filling my hallway and living room that should have been in the guest room, I broke down.  I was silent all night.  I wouldn't even kiss the Duke good night.  Let me tell you, I have NEVER done that.  It was a long day of nothing going right.  I couldn't even install the new doorknobs for the apartment next door correctly because they didn't come with the right parts, and don't even get me started on getting the package open to even get to the parts.  Anyway, I was able to use the correct parts finally from the old door knobs.  But I was super stressed by this point.  And so wouldn't talk to the Duke.  I felt so alone.  I was doing all the stuff, and he wasn't helping.  And even when he did, he was leaving me to do the deciding, and he'd just help out if I asked.  So by bedtime, too many things were going wrong, and the smell from the guestroom was giving me migraines.

I couldn't handle it anymore.  So after he ordered me to tell him what was going on, I finally did.  I told him I loved him, but that I felt like I couldn't trust him to be there when I needed his help, trust him to step in and help without me having to ask.  He told me that is right, that I know what I'm doing, so he waits for my instructions.  I might be the handy man around here, but I just needed his help.  I needed to know that if I stepped back and needed a break, he'd be able to take over.

So last night when I went to put the stuff away, imagine my surprise when the Duke came in and started putting stuff away.  Not only did he put stuff away, he never even asked me where each thing goes.  Normally he would have waited until I asked, and then asked where I wanted each thing.  And then tonight, I was going to put on the new toilet seat we have, and he asked me if I wanted him to do it.  I said I'd show him, but he said he could figure it out.  So I stepped away, gave him a tip on holding the nuts so that the plastic screw didn't just spin aimlessly, and then left. 

I so needed him to do last night and tonight.  I don't know why, I just did.  It felt great.  And I think this is good for him too.  He really can do more than he realizes.  And I think that the more he sees that, the more confident he'll feel in himself, in his abilities, and his ability to make choices.

So now my place is almost back to normal.  And today I couldn't work because of a computer program.  It was SOOO nice to relax for a while since I couldn't on my weekend. :)  Having this place a mess was driving me nuts, it's why it's one of my rules, as you can see from my last post on why we do DD.  So glad to have some normalcy back. :)

Hope you're having a great week. :)


  1. EsMay,

    I totally identify with this in so many ways! I'm the handyman around my home too - and as much as I like the feeling of accomplishment, I would love to just rest in knowing that hubby will take care of things.

    You must have been so over the moon when the Duke stepped up - I'm so happy for you!

    Haha, and I love your scardy cat! I'm a kitty lover too and they totally crack me up - the different ways they play or react to things. We used to have a cat that would drag pieces of our laundry out into the hallway and snuggle with it, lol.

    Hope he stops peeing outside of the litter box though - that is a tough smell to get rid of. But it's never worth getting rid of the kitty.

    :) Cali

  2. Oh EsMay,

    I'm not completely useless when it comes to handyman stuff but that is definitely H's job. Pre DD I would start a job, ask him for help and all the while know that he would take over and the job would get done. I feel loved and looked after when he does things for me. I'm glad you got the sense of accomplishment and love. Thats satisfied and 'done' feeling is just wonderful.

    As much as I would probably like a Cat I have absolutely no chance of getting H to give me permission :( I wish you luck with yours ;)


  3. Hi Es May,

    Awe, I have so been there with the cats and can relate to this. I have two, one of which is a scardy cat too. So much so that she used to suffer stress induced cystitis fairly regularly. Poor thing. There is nothing more maddening than trying to find and clean cat pee and the smell is almost impossible to get rid of!

    I can understand the Duke waiting for you to ask and give him instructions, given you are the handy one. I am fairly useless when it comes to that sort of thing. I also understand you needing him to step up without being asked.

    So glad he came through for you and that the place is almost back to normal and you managed to get some relaxation time.


  4. We always seems to forget that our guys are not mind readers. They don't that that "connectivity" gene we females seem to have. Ray is always amazed how my friends and I communicate w/o words. It takes time and practice and I am sure Duke has already learned a lot and will be an "A" student in no time.

    Have a great 4th.

  5. I admire the fact that you are so handy...I definitely am not! I tell Ryan that he simply cannot die....I have no patience to learn how to do all of the things that he does around here. ;)

    I can totally relate to what you are saying about your house being in disarray. Someone could walk in my house and guess my mood simply by what my house looks like....if it is in chaos and a mess...chances are you may want to come back later! hahha! I cannot handle clutter and things out of place!

    Sounds like your man is doing well. It takes them time to figure out what exactly we need....too bad they all cannot be mind readers, huh? ;)



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