Saturday, July 13, 2013

Punished For No Reason?

Yesterday the Duke was off.  He just wasn't his normal self.  So I shouldn't have been upset, but I was.

It was the end of the day.  I was tired, falling asleep while trying to do somethings on the computer.  It wasn't my bedtime, but really, I needed to be in bed.  The Duke said so, but then did not follow through on enforcing it when I got side tracked doing something else. 

I also told my first lie yesterday in I don't know how long.  I was feeling so guilty.  It is not like me to be dishonest, ever.  He didn't address that either.  The lie wasn't told to him, but still, I had told him about it afterwards.

Also, we are trying to get pregnant.  I remember telling one of you just last week how the Duke was not stepping up in taking responsibility for is part in taking his vitamins and living healthy.  Come to find out, he's only been taking his vitamins about twice a week.  I was so hurt.  I told him if he really wanted us to have a child, he'd be committed to at least taking his two vitamins once a day.  I have to take 2 vitamins 3 times a day, 1 vitamin 4 times a day, and 1 vitamin 1 time a day.  That's 11 vitamins I have to take at 4 times a day, and he only has to do two, once a day.  I told him if he wasn't serious about having a child, I needed to know, we can't go into this if this is something he doesn't want.

I went to bed frustrated.  I know, after the wonderful night we had the night before, I shouldn't have, but I think that played a part actually.  To have connected so well, and then no connection at all, I really felt lost.  He wanted to know what was wrong, I didn't want to talk.  I just felt so disconnected now, so hurt, so unworthy.

Well I finally did talk.  I didn't think I had talked to him disrespectfully, but I did complain.  Something I have promised myself not to do.  I feel like complaining to him like this is topping from the bottom.  I read some of my kindle preparing to go to bed in another 5-10 minutes.  All the sudden the Duke got up, turned on our bedroom light, took my kindle from me, and brought out the large paddle.  I panicked.  What had I done?

And panic I did.  I hate that paddle.  Blondie, I love you, but really???  Can I send you the large one back???? ;)  Nothing makes me pay more attention than this paddle.  Probably why the Duke loves it so much.  I finally got the Duke to stop long enough to tell me what was going on, what I was being punished for.

I was being spanked for being disrespectful to him.  I really didn't think I had been.  I didn't say that, but did say that I thought I was just sharing my opinion.  But I did produce my bottom for my paddling.  This is what we agreed to earlier in the week.  That even if the Duke was unsure, he could punish me. 

The Duke actually got angry, He has NEVER shown his anger towards me.  NEVER.  Not even a little.  I have only seen him angry once, and barely, and it was towards a friend of his, and several years into our marriage.  In fact, I used to have a line I said to friends, "Never marry a man until you see him when he is truly angry.  Then see how he handles it."  I waited and waited and waited with the Duke, and realized I could be waiting forever or had to marry him without seeing his anger!  LOL

So I was so shocked to see his anger.  I was actually a bit frightened that he'd spank in anger, so I just asked him, while turning over, to remember not to spank me in anger.  His mood changed in an instant and he relaxed.  I have been told this morning that he wasn't actually angry, but that he did need to address my behaviour.  He was being stern, not angry.  I guess I see that now, if he'd been truly angry, he probably couldn't have relaxed that quick.

So I took a punishment last night for something I don't really feel I did, I really feel I was only sharing my opinion and not being mean.  But I took the punishment anyway, and you know what?  It was great.  Don't get me wrong, it hurt so much, and I flew out of position at least three times.  I was so mad at myself each time, but the good thing was, I put myself right back each time I realized what I'd done without being asked.  And afterwards I cuddled into him hard.  I need his arms around me, and I needed his love.

Today we are great.  I am so glad we made this promise to each other this week.  Maybe I was a bit disrespectful, I'd rather him err on the side of caution than not punish me when I really do need it.  Needless to say, I wasn't allowed to have my kindle back to finish the chapter I was reading before bed. ;)

I can already see the difference in the Duke.  He is more settled today.  He is more sure of himself.  He is already showing his confidence.  He is wearing a big smile!  I'll take it! :)  This month long pact we made seems to be just what he needed.  Almost a week in, we'll see if things keep getting better. :)  I really hope so, more for him, than me.  He really needs to see he can be a leader, he can make mistakes, he doesn't always need to be right, nor fear being wrong.  I can't wait to see what the next three weeks bring.


  1. Good for the both of you! I think it's great how much he is stepping up, and it's awesome how submissive you're being. :)

    1. Thank you, Kenzie. We hope to keep working on it. :)

  2. No worries about not liking the paddle, not really happy with them all the time either.
    I keep flip flopping back and forth after I read your post. I haven't had a lot of time to comment on any blogs in awhile, so I am not sure why I feel the need to say something now.
    First off, I am glad that you are okay and feeling better. And it's great that he is being consistent with the discipline.
    But..... (is it okay) if I criticize?. The thing is, when discussing something as important as getting pregnant, there are going to be so many emotions, I don't think anyone can keep them all in check. I hope that he found you being disrespectful. Topping from the bottom means that you are telling him how to do his job as in discipline and how he should do it. Being mad about something, that is okay as long as you aren't doing the name calling, nagging are name calling.
    Yet, since he is the leader of the house, I am not going to questions his decision either. I hope that the next time (or hopefully there is no next time)that you two can work it out with out their being trouble. If you are upset about something so important, an explanation from Duke is what you probably should be getting.
    Sometimes walking away when you are mad, even if you go to the bathroom, and settle down, then go back and explain how you feel might work better.
    Oh shoot, I am afraid that I said too much. I am sorry. This is something that has been discussed amongst some of my friends and I wish that you were there with us (but it was awhile ago). Your marriage is still an equal partnership and your opinion matters, it is all in the presentation.
    Hope everything works out, and I am sorry again that those darn paddles hurt so bad. Would it help if I told you that I am having trouble sitting today....

    1. I hope you know I was joking about the paddles. :) I do love the pocket paddle. HEHE But I won't lie, the large one, my poor bottom. LOL I was literally surprised when I felt nothing this morning.

      I think you are right. And after more talking today, I see more of his side, and he sees more of mine. I do see now how he thought I was disrespectful. In not wanting to yell at him, I wouldn't talk and walked away. I wasn't sure if I could talk and not sound upset, so I wasn't talking at all, and he had to demand that I did so. He literally asked several times before demanding I tell him. And I see now how instead of laying out the facts, I also accused him of not stepping up and following through in a tone less than neutral, it was more accusatory...

      We will keep working on it, trying to find a good ground to stand on. :) Never feel afraid to share your opinion, I need people to be honest so that we can see any dangers we might be missing.

      And I am so sorry your bottom hurts today! {{{HUGS}}}

  3. Sometimes it's really hard to submit to something we don't think we really deserved. That line between telling the truth and sharing an opinion crossing into disrespect is so darn fine it's really hard.
    It's amazing what can happen when you just let go and allow him to build his confidence.


    1. Callie, that is a line I'm hoping to be able to see better in the future. :) It was nice to be able to let go and let him build his confidence, and I hope I can keep doing it. He has grown so much in this past week alone. I love seeing him so much more assured of himself.

  4. Accepting a punishment you don't feel you deserve is soooo hard. I have been there :( i know i often aso emotional that I think i am just sharing but he feels disrespected. we have had the conversation several times-- is it really distespect just because tou FEEL disrespected? is that enough? i never think so! ;) but i am glad things are looking up though! :)

  5. It is a tough one. I read a book once that said if a spouse feels abused by your temper, whether you feel that way or not, then it's abuse. I wonder if the same holds true for disrespect? For now, I'm going to watch my tone, and see if I can find the balance. :)

  6. I'm just going to add one little thing. When you don't normally take medication, it can be really hard to remember it. I can very much see why he would accidently forget. I don't think when he is forgetting his vitamins, that he isn't taking getting pregnant seriously. Heck, my husband forgets his meds sometime, and it's about keeping him alive. If you are like I was, when I was trying to get pregnant, you are probably thinking about it constantly. I went through fertility and my doctor had to actually tell me that we were more likely to get pregnant if we didn't try so hard, and actually if we skipped a few days from having sex. He may have been hurt by the accusation that he wasn't trying. Sometimes trying to remember something doesn't work. Maybe you could bring him his two vitamins at the time of one of your many doses. My husband and I ask each other almost every day, "Did you take your meds?" The answer is "yes" or "no, thank you, I forgot." They say men don't multitask very well. They do things or think about things one at a time. I'm only telling you this because I hate for you to get your feelings hurt or worry. New habits are challenging. Good luck and God bless you both, Belle L.

    1. I have tried that in the past... but I think I will ask the Duke about it again. When I used to ask him, he'd feel like I was checking up on him, not trusting him to do it himself. But I will see if we can have a talk about me asking him when I take my evening vitamins. :) I do realize he wants a baby, I just was so emotional the other night... not sure why... but things have been going a lot better since then. :) Thank you for sharing. :)

  7. Hi Es May,

    I'm sorry I am so late to this.

    It is hard to submit to a punishment when you don't think it is warranted. Good on you for doing so. I'm glad you ended up in his arms.


    1. Thank you, Roz, I too, am glad that I ended up in his arms. :) Taking the punishment this time did not seem so hard, I only hope and pray that if I feel he is punishing me in the future for a crime I don't feel I committed... that I can take it as well. :) {{{HUGS}}}


Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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