Spring Fling note at the bottom.
So, as you know from my last post, I was struggling on whether to ask the Duke to spank me or not. I was going to ask for him, he seemed to have lost his spunk, and his joy. So I asked him. But it turns out that I needed the spanking more than he did. It had been weeks since I'd been spanked, and I was being good, but I didn't realize that in the mean time I was getting my independence back, and with it, my stress levels. I was having mini panic attacks I guess you would call them. I'd be worrying, my heart would race, I'd have a hard time taking in deep breaths, and I'd get all tense.
Well, the Duke took me over his lap on Thursday night, and I found it nice to be there again, though a bit strange. He started off with a warm up, and then used the pocket paddle from Blondie's. (Can I just say that as much as I hate this little tool sometimes, it really is effective at getting me to submit, to break down, without ever any damage to my skin. It is becoming my favourite implement quickly.) It works so well that soon I was bawling. I was a flat out broken down mess of tears, I could barely breathe, so many emotions were trying to release all at the same time. The Duke pulled me up beside him on the bed and just held me as I cried it all out. Work has been so stressful that I had no idea that the answer to my problems was so attainable. It never crossed my mind to think about asking the Duke for a spanking for me. I have no idea why. We all talk about stress relief spankings, but when I needed one most, it never even entered into my head as a possibility. I was even praying to be able to let the stress go, doing breathing exercises hoping to get the pounding of my heart to ease up and not hurt so much, and all I needed was a good old spanking.
The reset was wonderful. I felt peace. I felt the loss of control. I felt myself let go. I so needed that. - So now to make a note of this somewhere so I don't forget next time! :)
And on Sunday, with his family still here, the Duke asked me to go lay down because I was so tired. His dad, who is super passive too, chimed in literally as soon as the Duke stopped asking me to to say that I should go have a rest. I was so surprised! He's never done that before. I think maybe his dad sees the difference in our marriage, and likes it. :) I hope so anyway. :)
The Duke told me yesterday that he loves his parents, but he also sees how hard his mother can be on his dad, especially over little things that wouldn't bother us at all. He loves them, but he doesn't want to have their marriage either. That hopefully will help him to keep wanting this lifestyle. Sometimes I feel like he's still just playing at DD for my sake. Sometimes he seems so sure, and at others, it seems like it's more for me. I hope and pray there is a time where DD is something that just becomes who he is, it really is becoming just who I am.
So, I'll tell you quickly about my success this week for Spring Fling Challenge as well. I've finished 9 weeks, so going into the last week. As you know, I've been struggling with being able to lose size, and not weight. So this week I tried something I have been researching about PCOS. I wrestle with it, and apparently cutting out grains (not carbs) can help. Well I cut out grains starting on Monday. By Friday I lost 8 1/2 pounds in 4 days! So on Saturday we visited my Grampy, and he had cake for me, and I gave in and had some. Also had the Duke's family for the weekend, so we ate some grain on Sunday and yesterday. I plan to go grain free again, but need a few days with how hard this week will be at work.