We were talking about the way disagreements work in marriage, and this was his take on it.
"It's not like you can have a vote in a marriage. You each will vote for your own side, and it will end up being the person that is more adamant about their position and getting their own way that will ultimately win in a fight. But more because the other person is worn down, and not happy about it. More in a 'Well if that's the way we have to do it.' with a sigh thrown in kind of way."It's true. And I used to do this. Most times I would worry about walking all over the Duke. He has been such a passive man that I would fear crushing him. So many women in his past had. So I always took great care to give him the same respect he gave me. But, come to an argument when I feel like I'm going crazy? I would DEMAND he change. :( It was my way or the highway. Now, you have to understand, until DD, the Duke NEVER stood up to me once we were married (except for something that happened after our son passed away). The Duke has never once yelled at me, has never let us have a fight. He gets all the credit on that one. There have been times when I've been ready to duke fists. Not him. And because of this, I'd win the so called argument, no matter what it was over. He would give in and agree, but his heart was far from in it.
But now I've given voting rights over to him when I might have argued in the past. When a decision has to be made, he gets to vote. I get to campaign, I get to give my speeches, but I can't run smear campaigns. I don't get to bad mouth and belittle to his face, or behind his back. I get to have a good old fashioned debate and lay all my cards out on the table, but then I have to leave the voting to him.
The count is easy, no chance of a miscount.
One vote. No chance at a minority vote. That one vote wins by a landslide.
And then the choice is mine.
Do I sit back and grumble and complain about the vote? Do I yell and get upset because the vote was against what I wanted and he just didn't get it? How could he not see?
No. I rally behind that vote. I do all I can to make the best out of it.
I don't give up on my government when it's not voted the way I like.
I won't give up on my marriage if the same happens.
But you know what? In our marriage I get a direct line to the prime minister/president. I can take my complaints straight to Parliament Hill/the White House. And that man, the man that rules? He really truly cares about what I think, and will do what he sees is best for our marriage, and for me.
I've given up my right to vote. I'm putting my hand in the Duke's, and giving up my ballot.