UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

An Emotional Wreck

I can't tell you how great it is to have the Duke back me up.  The more we do our marriage, the more we come to depend on each other.  I have a sinus infection, it's been here almost two months, I am on my third round of antibiotics.  Someone suggested on facebook I use a netipot.  But I can't use them.  When I was in grade one, I drowned in a pool, and was revived by a lifeguard.  This happened during school hours, a class trip. 

The thing is, I guess my parents were never told, and the kids in my class made fun of me so much that day, that I never talked about it until I was grown up.  So I can't use the netipot, because when I try, all the sudden, I'm back in that pool, sitting on the bottom, looking up at the kids above me, wondering why they don't see me to help me, with my world going black.

I didn't think anything of admitting this to my friend on facebook, until I got a call from my sister this morning.  She told me no one in the family had ever heard this story, and wanted to know if I had maybe dreamt it, and if not, she wanted to know why I was lying.  I was so hurt.  I don't even know why someone would make something like that up.  My mother used to lie all the time when we were kids, and she asked if I wanted to end up like her with my own daughter.  That hurt A LOT!  I mean, I couldn't even breathe at that point.  She finally said it was between me and God, but I could tell she still thought I was lying.

I spent the morning crying.  I don't even know why.  It just REALLY bothered me.  So when the Duke could finally call on his break, I asked him if he believed me.  And without question, he told me he knew I wouldn't lie to him.  He told me he knew I would only say it if I fully believed it happened.  It was sooo good to have him behind me.  I finally realized that was all I needed.  I didn't lie.  I can't change the past, and to say it didn't happen would then actually be a lie, and it would eat me inside.  I did all I could do in telling the truth, and I can't do more. 

DD has brought us to a place where we can have complete trust in each other.  Yet another way I am so thankful for this lifestyle.  All the communication, it just helps us be honest, and keep honest.  Thank you, Duke, for never having doubted for a second.

14 comments:

  1. I don't know you. I DO believe you. I'm so so happy for you and for your marriage.

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    1. Thank you, Deena, that means a lot.

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  2. Having someone who has your back and trusts you...and trusts in return.....priceless...
    hugs abby

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  3. Awww EsMay...I am so sorry that not only did you have to endure such a horrible incident when you were a child but that your sister treated you like that! I agree with Abby...Duke having your back and the mutual trust between you is priceless! Oh and for the record...I believe you.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. Thank you, Cat. I work so hard to be honest, and it is great to hear people say they believe me, especially those that have known me for a while. {{{HUGS}}}

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  4. I cannot imagine my sister treating me like that. I am sorry you were so hurt. I think it is Great that Duke has your back, in a relationship you should always be able to count on your partner for support. I know you cannot make your sister believe you, she will believe what she chooses to, but I would make damn sure I let her know I am a grown woman a wife & a mother, who does not need or appreciate her judgment or her attitude towards you. I hope you both are able to talk and get past the hurt she caused you.

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    1. Thank you, honey. I did end up doing that. It only increased her belief in my guilt. But I've learned over the past few months, a lot of what she's saying is actually lies. So that helps. She said my siblings were upset with me and thought I was lying. I have since learned none of them do. Hopefully someday we can get past the hurt, so far she still thinks I'm the one to blame, and that I have to be the one to apologize for lying. I can't, because I would be lying to say I lied. So for now, we wait.

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  5. Hi Es May, oh gosh, I am so sorry you were through that as a child and worse, you had no support and your parents were not even informed. That is just wrong.

    So sorry too that you were treated that way by your sister and hurt, that was plain mean. I agree with Ashley in regard to your sister.

    I'm so glad you have the Duke and that he has your back. Mutual trust like you have is priceless.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thank you. It mostly doesn't bother me now unless something salty goes into my sinuses, and then the memory is a bit overwhelming. I am so glad he has my back. I feel so loved. {{{HUGS}}}

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  6. Hi EsMay, :) Gosh, that must have been scary to experience long ago! I'm so sorry that your sister was unkind to you about it all. That must have been painful to have her treat you that way. :(

    Your teary day sounded so rough! I am glad that you had your man there, making things better, and saying all the things that were important to hear. Your realization is right on- how lucky to have someone who has you, with all his love and trust. And you him. That is all that matters.

    I too hope that your sister gets a grip on her behavior, and things smooth out for the two of you. Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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    1. Sadly, her stance is still the same. But I've come to realize I've done all I can to try to fix things, and have to leave things in her hands now. Thankfully the Duke has asked me not to talk to her anymore. And it is so great that he has me. Before DD we didn't have this. I feel so loved.

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  7. If only more people would realise how great that a DD relationship can be.

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    1. I know. I wish we could pull together different examples of how marriage work for couples to have when they start to face troubles. Not all types will work for each person, but there are probably other relationship types we have no idea about. It'd be interesting to compare them all.

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Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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