UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Wednesday, November 04, 2015

I Read Somewhere That DD Was Bad, BUT...

It can be interesting while you are looking up new things on DD to see the opinions that are really out there.  Today I came upon a post that a couple had written about how bad DD was.  They then said that the people that practiced it called it a need in their marriage.  They then went on to say how ridiculous that was because then what would we say about single people and widows?  If it was a need, then how would singles and widows every get any help?

I might be a little out of it here... but aren't there always going to be needs in marriage that you won't have fulfilled outside of marriage?  Sex?  Constant companionship?  Being help mates?  A man around the house to kill the spiders in the shower?  The lists could go on and on.  Do we just abandon these needs because they can't be met in the same way when one is single or widowed?  I had needs when I was single that weren't met then that are now, but that doesn't mean I said they had no value.  I just had to wait for a time for them to be met.  Just because I wasn't married didn't mean they didn't exist.

I don't know about some people, I can't speak for any other couple, but I will speak for us.  I can say that at one point, we NEEDED DD.  Needed it with our very breath.  Now we still want to practice, but it isn't so need driven.  But, I really believe our marriage would have died without it.  Was it the fact that the Duke spanked me that saved our marriage.  Psshhh, not a chance, and in a way, YES.

Spanking means the Duke needed to take responsibility, he had to hold me accountable, and to do that, he needed to step up and learn to lead.  I had to learn to submit, I had to learn how to take a punishment, I had to learn how to follow.  And in that, we had to talk, A LOT.  Still do.  If DD taught us nothing else, it taught us to talk, about everything.  Our communication had completely died.  If I had to give up DD forever, I'd still be thankful for the communication skills we learned because of it.  We learned to not only talk about everything, but to do so without judgement.  To know we could share everything, no matter how seemingly bad or embarrassing.  Secrets, even things that didn't seem to be secrets, were no longer kept.  Everything came out in the open.

There will always be people that look down on this lifestyle, which is too bad. Even though I fully believe DD probably isn't for even half the marriages out there, it's sad that people may close off a door that could bless their marriage before even giving the idea a real chance because they look at one aspect they don't like, and so figure the whole practice is garbage.  How much we miss in life if we live that way.

DD may not be such a need now, but we NEEDED the lessons it taught us.  Whether we would need those being single or widowed, doesn't matter right now.  We're married, and so we base our needs on that fact.  And so we practice DD, because it's what our marriage needed to survive.  I will not be ashamed of this fact.  In fact I'm happy, proud, humbled, and so thankful to have found this great tool to help solidify our marriage.  The Duke read this too, and he agrees.  We needed this, and there is no shame in that.

Sunday, November 01, 2015

It Ebbs and Flows

This year is so different than I thought it would look like.

First we had a baby.  Then Duke had a horrible accident.  Only a few of you knew before now, but we just bought and moved into our first house.  The Duke's work is changing and moving.  My best friend and I said that 2015 was going to be our year because of how many bad years we'd had leading up to it.  Boy, BECAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.  Such a blessed year, but overwhelming at times, and exhausting.  I wouldn't change a thing, well maybe that the Duke hadn't crashed, but even in that there were numerous blessings that resulted.  A beautiful, loved filled year, but none the less exhausting.

DD is getting back on track.  I've not stepped away from the online world, even though I haven't been blogging.  I have been on a forum, and have been leading a chat night each week again.  I find myself craving talking to other couples, and this way there is so much feedback. 

We have decided to start to read some DD articles and blog posts over the next bit.  It would be nice to get other prospectives again, and to see if there are ways we can be growing that we're currently not working on.

One area to work on is my pain threshhold.  I cannot take near as painful a spanking as I could before the baby.  It amazes both the Duke and I how much I struggle, and then flat out break down because the pain is too much.  I feel a wimp, I feel a failure at times that I used to be able to stay in place, and now, I flail all over the place.  I will continue to work at it, but as I do, the Duke is compassionately using less force in his spankings as well.  I still get the message LOUD and CLEAR when he goes lighter. :)

I am so thankful for this man, that you know only as The Duke.  He completes me.  Part of me feels that might be wrong to say as I have a strong belief in God, and truly, He completes me.  But I feel He's used the Duke to do so as well.  Things have been hard this year, we are not at our best, and are not loving each other at 100% capacity, but still we work together, we help each other, we exhaustingly make sure each other is cared for at the end of each day.

This beautifully exhausting year has made me so very thankful for all that I have.  DD ebbs and flows, it changes week to week.  Sometimes it is strong, and others it might have to sit completely on the back burner.  But it's always there.  It's always a tool that helps us get through.  We are working on making it a bit stronger, a bit more present, but I also can't deny that without it in the past, we would not be where we are now.  Even on weeks it's on the back burner, we learned a lot of other things that help us get through the day to day.

We have learned to talk.  We did not do that since our dating days until we started DD.
I have learned not to think of my needs first because he no longer ignores them.
We still struggle on admitting when we need help, but we have grown.
I am much less likely to be disrespectful in my thoughts.  If I think something disrespectful, there is a voice in my head that instantly says that isn't true, and if it is, to give it context.
Even when I am exhausted, I still try to find a way to bless the Duke each day.  Whether with a great kiss, a meal he likes, doing a chore for him, or what have you.

We plug along, and as I always hope, hopefully soon we'll have more time to commit back to this lifestyle because with it, I am so much stronger, and in honesty, so is he. :)