UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Submission Exercises - Conclusion

So here is the last post I think I'll be doing for now on submissive exercises.  I've really enjoyed reading your comments, thank you. 

Now here is a warning about today, there are a couple of ideas in today's post that are a bit more racy than the other posts though I did not go into detail, still, if that might bother you, please feel free to skip over this post. :)

Things Your Husband Can Do:
1.  Trust building exercises - I find the physical ones the best because they make a woman really depend on her husband in an interesting way.  Being led around blind folded for several minutes, standing behind her and asking her to let herself fall and trust you'll catch her, some even like tying her hands during intimacy.  These can be so scary, yet very rewarding when we can give in and just let go.  My favourite that the Duke did one I wrote about here - I Want You To Trust Me.
2.  Have a sign to say she's pushed too far -  the Duke's is a look with a slight shake of his head, I've heard that some men rub their hands together, some give a tug on their ear.  Whatever it is, it's a silent cue that we've pushed too far that no one else would catch on to.  It makes my stomach quiver when the Duke does this, and I know it's time to pay WAY more attention to how I'm acting and what I'm doing.
3.  Tuck her in - especially if you enforce a bedtime for her.  I know personally, whenever the Duke tucks me in, it makes me feel the most cherished, and special.  Him leaning over to pull the blankets over me, and giving me a kiss before saying goodnight and then turning out the lights just makes me melt, every single time.
4.  Have fun with it - playful swats get attention, good girl spankings help a woman feel safe, cherished, and playful, the options are limitless.  Just make sure you're not always only about the serious side of DD, let go and show her how much you enjoy the softer sides of her submission.
5.  Don't be afraid to ask her to be naked - there is a lot of humbleness and vulnerability in being naked, even in front of a man that has seen it a thousand times.  I find it brings me to a new place every time the Duke will ask me to disrobe, whether to be just to see me, to lay next to him while he is fully clothed, to get ready for a spanking.  Whatever it is, I am filled with the need to run into the arms of the very man that asked this of me for his protection, it's a very strong emotion.
6.  Admit what you need - as much as we women have learned we need to share with you and admit what we need because you aren't mind readers, we aren't either.  Trust us.  I can't tell you what it meant to me when the Duke finally started admitting what he needed from me, or flat out telling me what he needed from me.  He always felt like he should never ask, never be a burden, but I wanted to help so desperately.  Now that we talk, now that he shares, I can do all I can to meet his needs.
7.  Taking toys away - there is nothing like the Duke deciding something for me, like that I need to lie down, talk to him, relax, and having him take away my kindle or laptop.  It lets me know he means SERIOUS business.  It usually ends up with me pouting, so sad I have to be without, but every time he's done it, it has been exactly what I needed.
8.  Butt plug - I almost didn't write this, and have debated all week if I'd include this, but I'm going to.  Some couples have a firm no against this, and that is totally okay.  And some have a firm yes, and that is totally okay. :)  For those that are okay with this, a lot of women will admit that if their husband puts one in them, they start to feel submissive the second they get into position, and throughout the time they wear one.  It's a constant reminder to behave, of who put it there, of who they answer to, and a sense of being marked, claimed.

Things You Can Do Yourself:
1.  Keep your body the way he likes it prepared.  - keep your hair always brushed, keep shaved and trimmed if he like, use a scent of shampoo he likes.  You don't have to look like a model, or even like your neighbour down the street, but you should at least have clothes that are clean that appeal to him, and have your hair looking like you did look in a mirror that day.  If he wishes more, like a hair updo, makeup, perfume, give it a try, see if you can incorporate it into your daily routine.
2.  Admit to friends what you can - that you have begun to let your husband take the lead, even if you do not mention DD.  Ask his permission to do something in front of others, or admit to others when they ask to do something that you need to ask your husband first.  It doesn't need to be made a big deal of, it can even be as simple as saying "I have to check with the Duke first, and I'll let you know."  You are showing others that you respect your husband, and that you take his input seriously.
3.  Apologize first - when the Duke and I were doing premarital counselling, our pastor told us to each believe it was our own responsibility to apologize first in every confrontation.  That way, on the off chance your spouse won't apologize, you will, because you both decided it that way.  It can be hard, he may be 100% at fault in your eyes, but there is always something we can apologize for.  Losing our cool, not speaking respectfully, getting up and walking away, interrupting.  It may be only 1/1000th of what you feel your spouse did to you, but apologizing opens the door for them to as well.  If no one apologizes, if no one makes the first move, things just get worse and deteriorate quickly.
4.  Stop all you are doing, and kneel in front of him and ask him a question - "What can I do to make you happy tonight?", "What can I do to make you feel cherished tonight?".  Or even to say thank you with your head in his lap "When you took over my chores tonight because I wasn't well, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world." "When you stood up to your mother for me today, I really started to see myself through your eyes.".
5.  Admit when you need help - OH MY GOODNESS, why is that so hard for all of us??? :)  I'm raising my hand here with you guys, I struggle too, a lot at times.  I just want the Duke to see when I'm off, I just want him to know when I need help.  Yeah, it happens, sometimes, not always.  Sometimes I just have to SUCK IT UP and admit I need his help, either with a problem, with needing his time, with a backside that isn't quite tender.... yet! 
6.  Avoid saying no - yes, there will be times when you really don't want to do something, but try to find another way to go about saying you'd rather not.  No, and fighting back are disrespectful, and let's admit it, usually so very bad for our bottoms.  Next time you're tempted to say no, stop and think for a minute.  How bad would it really be if you answered yes instead?
7.  Buy an implement - most of you already have, but if you haven't, it can be a real gift to a man to show your trust.  You are giving him something you may very well view as a weapon, but he'll see it as a gift, you trusting him to lead you, to help mold you, to keep you safe with it.  You are putting your life into his hands when you hand that implement over.
8.  Just be quiet and stop demanding - I am SOOO guilty of this one.  Before I say this to you, I said to to me, often.  I had a picture of what the Duke was to be in DD.  But I had to stop telling him to do it my way.  Now he does it his way, and many times I am floored.  His lines are sometimes better than my dreams, his ideas shock me at times, and make me feel all soft and gooey inside.  He's got this, but he didn't, until I stepped back and actually stopped leading, as some here in blogland call it, topping from the bottom.  It took a long time for him to get his groove, but it didn't even start until I could let go.  I had to be quiet, I had to be patient.

So there you have it, 24 ideas for you, 24 ideas for him.  8 of each in each post.

Submission Exercises - Post 1 is here
Submission Exercises - Post 2 is here

I hope there was something in all that that you found helpful.  I had other ideas and things I'd found online, but I felt that was enough for now.  I hope that none of what I said offended anyone, and if it did, please remember, these are only ideas that "may" help.  They might not.  Always remember when getting any advice, use what will help your marriage, toss the rest. :)

And I have read your comments from my last post, and will be answering them tomorrow.  I had to choose, write this post, or answer comments, I didn't have time for both, sorry.  Hope you'll all forgive me. ;)

Now, here is where the deciding vote will be if there will be one final post on the Submissive Exercises right now.  If I get at least 10 ideas from you guys in comments or emails, that I haven't already done in the past three posts, I'll do up one last post and attribute it to you guys. :)  Or, if you have an idea to expand on something I've mentioned in the last three posts, I'll put that in as one of the ten as well.  So if you have anything that your husband does, or that you do, that really helps set the roles, or your submissive side, then please feel free to share. :)

Have a great night everyone!  :)

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Submission Exercises - Continued

The great thing about looking at submissive exercises, as some of you said, is to see that we actually do, a lot of times, already do a lot of submissive things.  We really do have this down better than we think.  We really do do more than we realize.

Another reason I wanted to share these, is because I struggled with a long time on finding ways to be submissive, but also, the Duke wanted to help me become submissive, but he had no real idea how to foster this in me.  That is why I began looking and thinking up ways that would work for both of us.  Now when he is wondering how to help me, he remembers a lot of the list we have, and uses one of those ideas.

Here are some more suggestions we have tried, or are thinking about trying.  I hope they will help you all in some small way, whether it be to see how well you are doing, or to help you find new ways to foster your submission and his dominance.

I will probably only do one more post, and wrap up the list we have in it.  But here are more for tonight. :)

Things Your Husband Can Do:
1.  Talk in a dominant tone - if your voice is too soft or holds a hint of humour, the Duke really struggled with this, and it was very hard for me to take him seriously as he talked to me as one might talk to a kitten when giving me an order, or when he was near laughing because he was unused to ordering me about, it made it very hard for me to be submissive and respect his authority and strength.
2.  Take care of her health - it isn't always what I want, but it means a lot to me if I'm tired that the Duke tells me to go to bed early, or take a nap, or if I'm not well, that he orders me to lie down and then he takes care of me, or that he makes sure I don't over work myself.
3.  Put your arm around her possessively when hanging out with others - around the shoulders, around the waist, it makes a woman feel extra special when a man shows he's her protector to others, I simply LOVE when the Duke does this, it makes me feel so wanted, so safe.  Another way he makes me feel owned is that he holds my hand slightly tighter than he has to, and almost leads me as we walk around a store, or out in public.  It lets me know he has me, and is taking care of me.
4.  Remind her that you expect her to be good for you - when leaving for work, when going out together, when she goes out alone, but also let her know that you have faith in her that she can, when the Duke does this to me, I just feel, well, responsible to behave for him, reminded that I have to answer to him, and wanting to make him proud
5.  Help her set up a chore list - and check with her often to see that she is keeping to it, and offer suggestions if you find she is over worked, or needs the list rebalanced, and let the chore list be for more than a clean house.  A clean house helps me feel relaxed, especially when company drops by unannounced, it gives me a sense of accomplishment, I am less irritable in a clean house, and we focus on these reasons more so than the house being clean, and in that it helps me feel cared for and that the Duke cares about my well being.
6.  Help her to cut back when needed - we woman often take on too much, with too little time for ourselves, I was involved in eight committees at church, and didn't realize how many, and too much of my time was taken up, so the Duke and I sat down and cut that list down to something very manageable.
7.  Tell her how good she was - it feels so good to be told how proud the Duke is when I have obeyed, when I've accomplished something hard, I need his encouragement as much as I need his direction and discipline, it makes me feel so good to make him proud of me.
8.  Keep her with you - I tend to walk away when angry, feeling I need time and space to think things through, but mostly, I just want the Duke away from me, I want to be strong on my own, but this is not good for me, and when left to my own thoughts too long when I'm upset or angry, then my thoughts turn dark, and darker.  But when he steps in and talks to me, then he keeps the thoughts from feeding on themselves.

Things You Can Do Yourself:
1.  Give him the best - Give him the best selections of meat at dinner, the largest piece of dessert.  When  doing other things, still give him the best, the fluffiest pillow, the softest towel, the plate without a chip, the first dentist appointment, the comfiest seat.
2.  Write him a letter saying how you like being submissive to him -  things you do that help you feel this way, and how it makes you feel loved, feminine, cared for, special, peaceful, less stressed, more sexy.  The more your reflect on it, the more you may find that very submission growing.
3.  Let him order and pay - tell him if there is something you really don't want, but see how well he knows you, let him order your meal for you, and let him end the evening by paying the bill.
4.  Give him a massage - even if you are tired, offer him a back, scalp, foot massage, or what have you. ;)
5.  Hand him the remote - let him decide what you watch for the evening, and watch it with him.  Or go to the movie theatre and let him pick the movie he wants to watch.
6.  Doing what he likes - learn about something he likes so you can talk to him about it. If it is something he does outside of the house, offer to go along once in a while, it might make him feel special, but also do not get offended if this is something he likes to do without you.
7.  Remember him when shopping - get his favourite snack, did he mention something he's been needing, ie deodorant, shampoo, pick it up for him.
8.  Ask him to share a fantasy.  - Pick a night within the next week and do all you can to fulfill it.  If you have to buy things, go out shopping, if you have to set up the room, spend an afternoon getting it perfect.  Then surprise him with it.

Submission Exercises - Post 1 is HERE
Submission Exercises - Conclusion - Post 3 is HERE

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Submission Exercises

I have been spending months looking up submission exercises online, trying to come up with my own, writing down things that made me feel submissive from stories, things that just come up in my dreams, and things the Duke has done out of the blue that have made me melt.  This list has really helped us, some we have tried, some we have not, but I know how hard it can be to find ideas, so I hope it's okay to share.  There are too many to share in one post, so I'm going to share a few tonight, and will do more in another post, it will take a few posts to do the whole list we have.

I am going to list things you can do on your own, or things your husband can do that may help you.

Things Your Husband Can Do:
1.  Say her full name - I don't know about you, but having my full name said makes me SIT UP at attention!  Attention, and boy, I better behave.
2.  Holding her chin - This really makes me feel owned, and that he is INSISTING on having my attention
3.  Having a pet name for her - Being called his, baby girl, little one, or my good girl really sends a shiver of submissive pleasure down my spine.  It's these words that make me see he really does like being dominant.
4.  Ask her who she belongs to - Sometimes the Duke will ask me this, and it will put everything into perspective for me.  I'm his, and he's got me.  I don't have to worry about things being taken care of, he's got it.
5.  Tell her to keep eye contact with you - Oh, I find this so hard, and when I have to be told, I often struggle, and have to be reminded.  But I find this very humbling, and it really does remind me to obey, even when it is hard, whether it be when discussing rules, talking about something hard, or when being intimate.
6.  Remind her that her body is yours - I find I get VERY submissive when the Duke goes to touch me in a way that makes me shy or embarrassed, and then I go to cover myself, only to have him tell me that I am not to cover or hide what is his.
7.  Call her during the day to check in - I love knowing the Duke likes to check up on me, it makes me feel important and worthy of his attention, it also reminds me to be good, because I don't want to have to tell him over the phone or email that I wasn't so good.  It's hard enough in person, it's even harder when I can't see his expression
8.  Tell her to answer with words - I find it hard to swallow at first when in an intense situation where the Duke asks a question, and so I answer with body language.  But now he demands my answer in words every time.  I feel the peace of submission flood through me as I find my voice to obey him, but also am floored by his authority in the moment.

Things You Can Do Yourself:
1.  Do one of his chores just because you want to make him feel special, or make his day easier.  Make it one that takes effort, and even better, make it one you aren't that happy to do.  When you are done, you will realize he now will be the one that won't have to do it.
2.  Make a meal he likes that isn't your favourite, but not something you hate.  Our men notice when we put them ahead of ourselves, and one big way to do that is to eat a meal that you made for his pleasure, not yours.
3.  Ask him if there is something you don't do that he'd like you to do.  ie, start/stop wearing make up.  Start/stop doing your hair a certain way.  Greet him at the door with a drink, have supper ready when he gets home, have the kids entertained when he walks through the door, serve him before yourself at meal times, or what have you.
4.  Write lines, or a small essay on why you are glad he leads you.  Or on ways he leads you.  You might be surprised at all he's doing that has gone unnoticed until you sat down to really think about it.
5.  Leave a note for him in his lunch/briefcase/wallet.  Maybe even make a promise to him of something you wish to do for him that night. ;)  Sign it with a kiss.
6.  Start asking for permission when you buy things, if you can't ask for permission, tell him at the end of every day each place you spent money, and why.
7.  Put on something that isn't exactly your favourite, but something you know he'll love.  Could be a perfume, a thong, a slinky dress, risque heals.  Or go without something, a bra, your underwear, and then whisper to him your little secret half way through his dinner. ;)
8.  Let him know that you are giving him your body, to use when, and how he likes.  Whether it be the middle of the night, or in a position you've been too shy to try before.  Your body is his, and you trust him to take care of it.

I wrote down a ton more, and will try to post more later this week.  I hope you like one or two of the ideas.  Who knows, maybe you've heard them all, or only a few, but I hope there is at least one or two here that catch your fancy. :)

Have fun everyone. :)

Submission Exercises - Continued - Post 2 is HERE
Submission Exercises - Conclusion - Post 3 is HERE