As promised, here is the other thing I posted in the forums over the weekend.
Here is the post I had in the forums, this event happened on Friday.
Do you find that now that you are in a DD relationship, you have stopped jumping to conclusions as much?
Tonight on the way home from work, I told my husband that I wanted to tell him something, he is known in blogland as "The Duke", so I'll probably slip in my comments on here and call him that. Anyway, just after I told him I had to talk to him, it said on the car radio it was going to give the local weather, and since we have had a number of storms lately, I told him "Just a minute, I want to hear this." He immediately turned off the car radio and then said nothing. Part of me wanted to say rather accusingly "Why did you do that??? I was listening to that, and I even just said so." But another part of me, the part that is growing since DD, said to stop, and ask him why he had done that. Sure enough, he had not heard me say I wanted to hear the weather report, and had turned off the radio so that he could hear me.
I could have really messed up our evening by starting a fight, and had this happened before DD, I have no doubt that that is exactly what it would have done, or at least, feelings would have been hurt and we would have played nice all evening while privately suffering. I look back on my life over the past few months and find I have done this a lot lately, not jumping to conclusions, and find that the Duke really is being nice, and I'm just taking things wrong.
Do you find the same? Are you finding you jump to conclusions less, and are learning that those conclusions are wrong? Or maybe it's just me? I've probably felt way more hurt in my marriage than I needed to, all because I was thinking the Duke had intentions that he didn't. What are your thoughts?
--- And if you want to participate in HoH Day on Saturday, and have not yet heard the details, you can find them here. :)
Hope you all have a wonderful day out there. :)
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
23 comments:
Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)
Troll comments and spam will be deleted.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Omg, this is spot on for me! I used to do things like that all the time. Like you, Ive realized that if you just stop and ask rather than jumping to conclusions, or assuming, it really can avoid what could have been a pointless argument. Great post. :)
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing how many times we do that isn't it? And how easy it is to just ask a question and avoid the problem altogether. I am glad that this has been a learning area for you as well. :)
DeleteI'm still a work in progress on this issue. I am totally aware that I do often jump to conclusions because I can be very defensive, and I guess I'm trying to protect myself. It's been an issue that we've been working through, and now that I can acknowledge it, it's better, but still there at times. The worst part is most of the times I jump to conclusions..I'm wrong. I'm so glad you are taking a breath before jumping, it does save so many arguments. I'm also learning to ask him "did you mean this?" before assuming anything, and that has helped :) Awesome post!!
ReplyDeleteoh, and I love the new colors!!
DeleteI am glad that this is something you are learning as well. It is true that we are so often wrong when we jump to conclusions, isn't it? I hope in time, you and your husband are able to find a balance where you don't feel you need to protect yourself from him. You really are a wonderful woman, and I am sure he knows that. {{{hugs}}}. and I am glad that you like the new blog colours, thank you. :)
DeleteHmm.. I would really love to say yes to this one. I did think I was getting better and then I fall again
ReplyDeleteI wonder if this is one of those things we get better at, but still pops up from time to time, even when we're old and gray. I guess the good thing is the way we progress in it. :)
DeleteOh Es May, I wish I could say I didn't struggle with this-but that would be a lie lol! I have gotten much better since starting DD however there is still room for improvement. I usually don't start fights anymore in these moments but I sometimes still assume the worst of him & get my feelings hurt but stay quiet about it instead of just talking to him about it calmly at the time to figure out what the real motivation is- so I am working on this too.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Scarlet ; )
I have to admit, there were times I would sit there with my feelings hurt as well, and keep quiet. It was quite a learning experience to be able to move past that and ask the Dukevwhat he really meant in certain situations. I won't say it was easy to learn, but it was well worth it. :). I am glad you are working on this too, seems we all are. :)
DeleteWe just started DD so this is still a work in progress for me. I have a habit of jumping to conclusions and it's NEVER a good thing. I'm trying to slow down and think before I speak. It's actually more difficult than I expected it to be. I never realize before we started this how I could start arguments on something so small.
ReplyDeleteCathy, thinking before speaking is learning a new way of life, and I found it very difficult as well to even start, now that I'm in the middle of learning, I still have to remind myself to slow down. And I find the same, that I can start arguments over some pretty small things.
DeleteI definitely don't jump to conclusions as often anymore, but it does still happen sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI hope to do better too. :) I think jumping to conclusions may be one of those things we never truly stop doing, but can only work on getting better at it. We'll always have our way of looking at things, that may not always be the way it really is. Ah, if only DD could make us perfect. ;)
DeleteYes that is so true! What a great example of being a good Dd wife you were by waiting and respectfully asking the Duke!!! So happy for you :)
ReplyDeletehugs
sara
LOL Now Sara, don't go taking this good example and thinking I'm always good, or the Duke will have to start embarrassing me with stories! lol But thank you. :) {{{hugs}}}
DeleteI like the new colors!
ReplyDeleteMy husband calls it "assigning motive" and I try not to but sometimes it's hard.
Thank you, Leah, I think they're starting to settle with me... notice the orange? ;) ;) Our colours, at least for one week. ;)
DeleteYep, assigning motive, and augh, am I ever guilty, more so with other people than the Duke, but oih. :(
Hey Es May...In my opinion, jumping to conclusions usuallys stems from lack of communcation and lack of belief in yourself. So when I see that you stopped yourself from jumping to conclusions, I see how your relationship has grown and see how you have grown in self confidence. You and the Duke are a lovely example to our community.
ReplyDeleteBlessings...
Cat
Thank you, Cat, I don't know what to say, I am so humbled. I don't feel worthy to be an example, but if I can help anyone avoid the pitfalls I found, and I think I deliberately went searching for them if you count the number we've hit... then I'll be honoured.
DeleteWe call it opening your mouth before you engage your brain. I still do it a lot when I am tired, and really stressed. It's a work in progress... So happy to see it working for you guys.
ReplyDeleteSorry, Dana, that made me laugh! Opening mouth before engaging brain. I have to remember that one! :) Glad it is working for you... well except for when you're tired, but that will follow suit. :)
DeleteHi Es May, what a great question! This gave me some real food for thought so thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteI would love to say I don't jump to conclusions any more, but it is a work in progress for me, although perhaps not quite as often. Good on you! I completely agree with Cat too. This shows how you have grown :)
Hugs,
Roz
Wow, Roz, I gave you something for food for thought? I feel so honoured. :) {{{hugs}}} You know, I don't know that we'll ever not jump to conclusions, I don't know that that's human, but it's the progress I think, that counts. :) Or... I hope so. :) {{{hugs}}}
Delete