Monday, December 09, 2013

What I've Learned This Year - Part 4 - I Can Let It Go

Tried to keep this one short and sweet. :)

I was the head of our household before DD.  I hated the role, but I did it, because someone had to be.  I have always had a lot of responsibility since I was but four years old.

Now?  Not so much, and I LOVE it.

Now,

- I do a lot less housework because the Duke steps beside me and helps
- I'm told when not feeling well to sit down and tell the Duke what I need
- I'm told to calm down when I'm starting to feel worked up
- I'm held when I'm frightened and know I'm not alone
- My tears are encouraged because the Duke knows they bring healing
- I've been encouraged to carry a less volunteer load to free up more time and cause less stress
- Told when to go to bed, so now I have to choose what is really important to be done, and the rest can wait, and it really can wait
- Am asked more often when stressed if what is bothering me really matters
- Am told to share what is bothering me, this is non-negotiable now
- Have started asking the Duke to take over/help on financial items and budgeting and such
- Am questioned often now if I've done the things I need to do to stay healthy
- Have someone checking on oil changes and gas gauges instead of just me
- Have someone that tells me when to say no to things
- Have someone I can ask permission to, especialy when I'm weary about something, and that doesn't make me feel hindered, it makes me think that I don't have to worry about the decision, he'll make it, I just have to follow it.

It's not all about what I can do.  It's not all up to me to get everything done now.  And with that, there is a freedom.  For the first time that I can ever remember, I'm barely dreaming.  I used to dream several dreams a night, every night.  More nightmares than I cared for, and a lot of senseless dreams.  But in the past three months at least, maybe longer, I don't know that I've dreamt ten times.  I think it's because my mind is less worried, less stressed, less full of things that need to be done.  I've got someone helping me now, and in a lot of cases, completely taking over.  I am learning to rest.  I'm learning to take time to just do things for myself, and it feels wonderful.

Duke, thank you for loving me enough to take care of me in all these areas and more.  {{{HUGS}}}

12 comments:

  1. What a lovely positive tribute to not only your Duke but your relationship Es May. So happy for you! I know that you and the Duke are going to keep growing and becoming stronger!

    Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Thank you, Cat. I really do hope we keep growing stronger.

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  2. It's so neat to look back on how things have changed. We have been doing a lot of that lately as well. I don't have time to leave more comments but will quickly pop back and read the first three parts of this story. :) Thanks for sharing it with us Es May.

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    1. It is kind of cool to see the growth. :) And no worries if you can't check back in on the other posts, I'm just honoured, Susie, that you stopped by to see this one. :)

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  3. Beautiful Es May. It's always kind of amazing to realize how much freer I feel when I make less decisions. It's such a comfort to know that we don't have to do it alone. In fact it sounds like in your home and most of the ladies homes, doing it alone is not allowed any more. Yet taking away the "freedom" to over commit and over extend allows us to feel more healthy and to choose more wisely what is really important.

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    1. Oh, Clara, so true. We've been taught most of our lives to be so independent, but I am relieved that now I don't have to be. :) And yep, doing it alone is definitely not an option here anymore, lol

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  4. These posts of yours are so sweet. They really show how great DD has been for you both. So happy for you! :)

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    1. Thank you, Kenzie. :) I am glad that you are enjoying them. :)

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  5. Hi Es May, I'm sorry I have missed a couple of these post, things have been hectic and I have been awol from blogland for a wee while. I am so enjoying reading this series of posts.

    As Susie said, it is neat to look back on how things have changed. You and the Duke have grown so much, both as individuals and as a couple. It's wonderful to see :)

    This is a beautiful post and a wonderful list, the feeling of 'freedom' is wonderful isn't it? I'm so happy for you both.

    Love
    Roz

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    1. Roz, no need to apologize. :) Oh, the freedom is just amazing, and am so glad to have it. :)

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  6. It's wonderful to learn the secrets behind what makes a man rise up and do what he was created to do. Our culture makes it almost impossible. I too cannot stand hearing a man say "ask the boss" while he points at his wife. I think you address that in your last post actually. I won't even date a man who says he would never hit or spank a woman. Kill shot. Why bother. At 52 I don't have a decade to waste finding and then convincing anyone. Personally I need someone who has a bit of experience at it. But anyway, yes, submission and humility is definitely a gift considering our culture and that we don't have to do it. But in the eyes of God I don't believe it is a game. I think we are especially blessed for it and life is very hard without it. Your list is a great tribute but also a testimony as to what men are inspired to do in the face of humility and submission. Part of it is a major thank you for reinforcing who and what they are. In this day and age, men are starving for it. Thank you again for sharing.

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    1. Hmmm, I'm not sure if starting with someone starting with you is better, or with experience, since I only have the one point of view to go from. :) But if you find that man that is willing, but does not have experience, growing together too can be a lot of fun. Yes, work, but fun also. :) I totally understand not having time to waste. I was 29 when I married the Duke. We dated just under a year, but were friends for two years before that. In the 11 months we dated, he was horrified one day to hear me say that if I realized I couldn't marry him, then we'd be done. But I was 29, I was not looking to just date. I wanted to get serious, and I wanted a family. I think it's good to know we're done playing around, we're more serious, more focused, and more sure of what we want and don't want. I prayed over my lists of wants in a husband, God challenged a few, thank goodness, or the Duke wouldn't have "passed" lol, but it was great. :) I do think men are meant to lead, the Bible surely says and suggests that in several places. The Duke really struggled with it, he'd been taught to follow, but he is beautiful when he's leading. He has strength he never knew he had, he's confident, he's funny, he's not depressed anymore. He's wonderful. This is as good for him as it is for me. And I'm so glad I can do this for him. :)
      EsMay

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Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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