Well, my parents went home yesterday. It was one of those, glad you were here, glad you are gone kind of visits. I loved having them here, I really did, but after having them here for five nights, I was ready to have my bed back again and have my apartment back to shape.
I noticed something when my parents were here. They pick at each other, a lot. My mother more so than my father. What shocked me was that sometimes they could sound really mean to each other, and then start laughing. And not just laughing a little, but full out laughter that sometimes even ended in tickle fights. I was so shocked that I needed time to process. Usually when they pick at each other and fight, I'd try to diffuse things, but the Duke was making points last time that maybe I should step back. But I was confused. Why was picking at each other working for them? Why did it make them so happy when having someone pick at me makes me so sad? Am I just too sensitive? Can I not take a joke?
So this time I didn't interfere just ask the Duke had suggested. But you want to know what happened after a few times of the picking and laughing? The anger started. The picking would go too far for one of them, and they'd get mad. The other would think they were joking, and take it a step further until the other was flat out livid and sometimes even yelling, even with the Duke and I in the room with them. After a few days, it was getting really hard to handle and my nerves and patience were wearing thin. That, and I need at least 30 minutes of alone time a day, and 8 hours of sleep. I was getting absolutely no alone time, and maybe 6 hours of sleep a night. I did as the Duke asked last time, and didn't interfere once, and this happened a dozen times a day, at least.
The last night of their visit they were going strong, and finally, without thinking, and having been around the snarkiness for several days, I myself said something snarky to the Duke. My eyes bulged out of my head, I was so shocked. And not caring that my father was right there, I stopped, faced the Duke and told him right then and there that I was truly sorry. I told him I had promised to not be snarky with him, and that I had broke that promise, and once again told him I was sorry. I didn't do it to get out of a punishment, even though there was none. I did it because first of all it was wrong, and second of all, I had acted that way in front of my dad, which made it ten times worse. The Duke didn't care, but I DID. I don't want to be rude to the Duke, but I also don't want to end up like my parents. Part of the reason I wanted the Duke to step up way before I knew about DD was because I wanted my marriage to be much happier than my parents. I love my parents, I really do, but I don't want the kind of marriage they have. I want their to be respect, a lot less fighting, a lot more support and love.
My dad knows from their last visit that I've been working on being a submissive wife, and that I'm working on doing things that honour the Duke. He told me at the time that he thought this was a good thing. This time he even saw me wearing a dress, and deferring to the Duke a lot more. I didn't even buy one thing while out shopping with them without asking the Duke first if I could have it. My mother seems to find it weird, and you can tell this is so not for her, but I wish it was. She has been the head of that household the entire time I was growing up. It isn't working. I wish I could tell them someday about DD, but I can't. My mother would never keep the secret. When she knows something, the whole family does, even if you tell her you don't want to know. I don't worry for me, I don't care if every single person I know knows that we practice DD, but I'd hate for the Duke to be wrongly accused if people chose not to see it in the right light.
I hope my dad realizes I'm trying, and that I'm not a big failure at being a submissive wife. I hope that he sees that in the trying, I'm not perfect, but I am really working at it. I also hope he sees the apology for the healthy thing that it is. I really think he and my mother could learn a great deal if they could just learn to tell each other they were sorry, and truly mean it. But to be honest, if my dad doesn't realize these things, I'm not going to worry. It's not him I have to please. It's the Duke.
AND, the Duke was so impressed with my behaviour this week and how much he loved how I deferred to him so much, and little things like doing the dishes for him when that is his chores, that when we got home from work last night, and I went to put the apartment back the way I like to have it, he came along side me and helped me! Without my having to ask! And he stayed and helped me until everything was done. I..., that has never happened, I've always had to ask... and this time, I didn't feel like a burden, I felt like he wanted to help me, and that melted my heart. I almost cried... I'm so not used to feeling that special. And with his help, the whole place was done in like 20 minutes! :)
And then... it was maintenance. I dreaded it, I was just so tired, but it ended up being great. He only used his hand, and he talked to me the whole way through it. And tonight he went to the store, and brought home my favourite chocolate bar. I love that man. :)
Step by step we keep growing, I wonder what next week will bring. :)
*** My laptop fan died today, so my time at the computer for the next two weeks will be limited while it's out for repair. I haven't been able to go back and read posts from the whole few weeks I was insanely busy, but have been trying to read your posts this week, only to find out that 20 blogs in my list were hiding. :( I felt horrible. So I finally found out how to get them showing again. Thank you all for your patience as I've been a horrible blogger. But I'm back, and hopefully the next two weeks will work out for me to keep up. :) If not, do you think it would be less than submissive to kick the Duke off his computer more so I get enough blogging time? ;)