UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Friday, July 12, 2013

Toys...

Hopefully I do not offend anyone in this post, I just find I need to do some processing, and blogland has always been the perfect place for me to do so.  I will not be going into detail about anything, I promise. :)

So, we've never owned toys.  It's just not something we ever did.  Now, I won't lie, I have been intrigued by them off and on, and wondered about them, but it's just not something we ever looked into.  But since we started DD, we have noticed that if the Duke touches my bottom at all, no matter where, I become a submissive glop of goo.  Knowing this, we decided to look into a butt plug to see if it would help me stay in that submissive goo for longer periods.  *GULP*  yeah, you read that right.

When we went to order it, it gave us one of those little warnings at the top of our cart.  Basically it said if we spent $20 more we got free shipping, or else shipping was $10.  We figured we'd spend the extra $10 and $20 worth of stuff.  So I let the Duke handle that.  I didn't really want to take over.  He did ask my opinion on stuff, but I let him pick.  Well, be careful when you do that!  The Duke was able to find sales on everything he wanted by looking around enough, and was able to get THREE toys that came to within $2 of the $20 we intended to spend, each one totally different than any of the others.  And all high quality, but on sale like 60% off or what have you.  Man, I need to take him shopping when I buy stuff! ;)

Well, they came in the mail yesterday.  I washed them up and put them away.  But no, I was not so lucky.  The Duke decided he wanted to try them out.  Try EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM out.  Never having done this before, I was both embarrassed, and submissive.  I reached a state in my mind I am not sure I have reached before.  I was his, to do with as he willed in a way he'd never asked of me before.  There was no saying no, there was no fighting what was going to happen.  He was taking charge, and I was his to play with.  I had no say in the matter.  I let go, completely.

Today I feel a bit weird, I actually feel a bit lost with him taking off to work.  I don't miss him per say, but feel I need his strength here with me, and it's gone.  I want to snuggle back into his strong arms and feel safe, but they're not here right now. :(

I don't know if all I'm feeling is good.  It just all feels so different.  I think it's good, but as I said to start with, I just need to process it all.  Anyone have any words of wisdom to share here?  Would greatly love them.

18 comments:

  1. I totally understand how you feel. My h has lots of toys ... I love being "his" and love being completely submissive in the bedroom... That part of our dynamic started before dd... As to the feeling lost... I think that is normal. It's how I felt for months after starting dd. I was finding my place as the submissive partner. Learning to depend on him, trust him fully, and really need him-- his presence and his touch. As time goes by the leaving gets (a little) easier but the desire for him to be close thankfully hasn't gone away. ;) enjoy the submissiveness! :)

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    1. Cole, I am glad I am not so alone in the lost feeling. I still feel a bit off, but hopefully after having the day together today, that will fix itself. :) I have to admit, I did love being his during that time in a way we never have before.

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  2. Hi Es May,

    I'm not sure I really have any words of wisdom for you but I would say what you are feeling is perfectly normal. You found a deeper submissiveness that you haven't encountered before and it is all new. I think it is a good feeling. Try not to over think it and enjoy the submissiveness :)

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. I think you do have words of wisdom, Roz. :) "Try not to over think and and enjoy the submissiveness." That is actually what I needed to hear. Thank you so much. {{{HUGS}}}

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  3. I have to agree with the other, don't over think and enjoy! This is something new and what your feeling is normal. Letting go, being submissive and letting him be in charge is scary, thrilling and freeing. He loves you and the two of you share so much trust. I know you need his strength right now and he is at work. Maybe you can text him and his words back to you can be enough until he comes home.
    Hugs
    Kim

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    1. He called me a few times from work, so that really helped. :) It is a bit scary to feel how much I need him right now. I keep thinking in a little bit, the feeling will pass and I'll be okay. But then I realize, the needing him is a good symptom of all that we are learning.

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    1. LOL, your one word just made me BLUSH! :) I will, or at least try to. :)

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  5. Hey honey :)

    No reason to be embarrassed by talking of these things and it's your blog, you can write what you want :)

    Ok toys are great, we love them, always had quite a few, but we've also just recently started to play with more anal toys, as in butt plugs. I too was embarrassed at first, but after talking to some great gals here in Blogland and then showing Balu a few things, he made me order one straight away. I have to say I love it, nothing makes me feel more his than this feeling :)

    As for needing and wanting him more at the moment, it's normal honey, you both just experienced something very intimate, and feel so much closer. As the others said, don't over think it, just ENJOY the ride :)

    Hugs x

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    1. I knew the butt plug would help, but I had no idea how much! I did feel like I was his. I am glad I am not alone in this. :) And thank you Missy, I will try to let go and enjoy. :) {{{HUGS}}}

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  6. EsMay,

    Everyone else is giving you such good advise and support - I'm so thankful for all of them! Me, I'm a bit behind you on the path, so I'm still learning and processing as well.

    But I will say that I'm just so happy for you. For all that you are getting to experience, for all that the Duke is embracing.

    ((hugs))
    Cali

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    1. Thank you, Cali... I am too. It's been a long journey, at times I feel like we are so behind. But then I have to remember how unalpha male the Duke was, and is. He's so passive, and is used to things being decided for him. This has been good for both of us. I see his confidence growing, and I'm so happy for him.:)

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  7. I'd say you forged an even deeper connection with him and now you can't get enough of him. Enjoy!

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    1. I think those are VERY true words. :) Thank you, Tara.

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  8. Hey Es May...

    First of all, no apologies...this is your blog and you can write about whatever you want. If someone doesn't like it, they are welcome to leave. ;)

    Now, every couple builds their relationship in their own way. If this works for the two of you...enjoy and don't question!

    Sending lots of positive energy your way.

    Hugs and Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. LOL, I can't seem to stop apologizing, even in real life. I'm told I say sorry way too often. LOL I like what you said, it is something I have said often... but in this moment, forgot. If it works for us, don't question. :) Thank you for reminding me of that, I really needed it. Thank you, Cat. :)

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  9. I think that the intimacy is wonderful and it leaves us feeling so connected at times that we end up feeling a bit needy. It's a new kind of attention--giving yourself over to someone who takes such thorough care of you.

    I know it's a couple days later now. I hope you have told him how special he made you feel and also how vulnerable the next day. I bet he will go out of his way to reassure you and maybe even make it happen again. :)

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    1. Susie, so so true. :) We did find a way to reconnect, and at this moment, I feel completely spoiled! :) I hope you had a good weekend too. :)

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