UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Learning To Ask "How High?"

Yeah, just like the title says.

The other day the Duke and I talked about how nervous he can still seem at times to take charge.  When he does, he feels good about himself, I feel good about our marriage, our bonds build, and I feel peace.  But other times he's so unsure.  What if he makes a mistake, what he if spanks when he shouldn't, what if what I say in the moment trying to get out of something is really how it should be?

So I'm working on not trying to escape a spanking.  It's not that I feel I shouldn't get one, but dang it, they hurt!  I'm not trying to be bad when fighting a spanking, I'm trying to calm my fear of the pain, realizing that once it's done everything will be okay, but to get to that point... there is fear of the pain.  Which makes no sense, because I know I can trust the Duke, and the few times he took me to my limit where I just fell into a submissive limp lump over his lap, I felt my best ever.

Another thing we decided to try was to go hard core for a month.  He's free to make any decision, spank me even when he's unsure, and I will forgive him, even if he's wrong.  I kind of feel it should be this way all the time, but I think for the Duke it gives him a pass to make mistakes where he doesn't feel he usually can.  See, his mom micromanaged his world until he moved out to university, and even then, had a very strong hand in his life.  He never learned to make mistakes, or to recover from them.  I'm hoping we will both learn a lot this month.

So, in view of all this, I still thought the Duke would be hesitant.  Yeah.... no!  lol

Last night I had asked him to come to me when he had a moment... I wanted to talk, and find it easier in the bedroom for certain conversations... not sure why.  It took about 10 minutes for him to wrap up what he was doing, and in that time, I had worked myself into an embarrassed mess.  He came in and asked me what I wanted to talk about, and then all the sudden, I couldn't talk.  I was too embarrassed now. 

He hemmed and hawed liked usual about trying to get me to talk, but making no real firm decision that I had to, so I settled down to go to sleep, it was bedtime anyway.  But a few seconds later he grabbed the large paddle, my stomach dropped.  He told me I could tell him, or be spanked until I could tell.  So I made three false starts, I just couldn't get the words out.  He flipped me over against my will, snapped the paddle down and then turned me over again.  I made another attempt, nothing.  I was flipped again, and the next time was given a smack so hard I jumped.  No warm up, what?  Just a flat out hard SMACK!  My bottom really stung and burned.  He flipped me over again, I tried again, nothing came out, but as he was going to flip me over again, the words finally came out.

A few minutes later he ordered me to do something.  It was for my own good, it was for me to relax, and I didn't want to.  But he insisted, saying it was what I needed.

And then a few minutes later when I wanted to grab my kindle and just finish a few more pages before falling asleep, he wouldn't let me.  He took my kindle from me, and told me I needed rest.

Well, I guess when he commits to something, he commits.

So I see a lot of JUMP in the near future with me asking in submission "How High?"

How wrong is it that I feel such peace over the loss of control?  My answer to myself is, not at all. :)

26 comments:

  1. It is very peaceful to give control over to someone you completely trust.....but I'm curious, did you ever talk to him about what you wanted to?
    Kim

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    1. Yes, Kim. :) I did end up talking to him about it when I was about to have my third smack. ;)

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  2. I think you are pretty special to recognize that your hubby needs extra room to grow, make mistakes, and how to learn from them, since his mom never gave that to him.

    It makes me smile to see how much you love him. And it makes me smile to visualize him "flipping" you over so many times to get you to talk to him. (I would probably be so shocked I would be mouth-wide-open speechless, lol).

    I'm really happy for the both of you....

    ((hugs))
    Cali

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    1. Yeah, I was speechless too, LOL. Probably why I was getting the smacks in the first place. LOL

      I do love him... and do want him to be able to grow. Even if we weren't in DD, even before, I wanted him to learn that he could take some risks, and that mistakes were okay. :)

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  3. Happy for you. Interesting tactic on both your parts.

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    1. Thank you, sunngirl, hoping it will be a blessing for us both. :)

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  4. Good deal. We have something like this when he first gets home. It's called... Immediate obedience. I have noticed, the longer we do this, the quicker immediate is...

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    1. Wow, Dana, I would love to hear some examples sometime. :)

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  5. Maybe the loss of control is letting go...And there is huge freedom in that.

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    1. Tara, each step I take in this, the freer I feel. So beautiful. :)

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  6. For me, the submission part is one of the most satisfying parts of my life with my man. Handing over my trust, my faith...it is wonderful. Enjoy exploring submission!

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    1. Thank you, Maura. It has been fun, and finding new ways to submit is exciting. I'm glad for what we've learned so far, and what we will continue to learn.

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  7. Handing over and losing the control is such a wonderful feeling to have. Love it!

    Callie

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    1. Hehehe, I'm with you, Callie. :) Love it, it's almost addicting letting go. :)

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  8. I agree about how good it can be to totally hand over control totally. That's not to say it isn't still hard at times though. I find it especially hard when I think he is in the wrong.

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    1. Janey, that is something we still have to address. Usually, if he is wrong, he sees that, and is okay with new ideas. I haven't had him yet do something I thoroughly was against... am wondering how I will handle that. Well, except when I WANT to stay up, and he says NO. lol

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  9. Hi Es May,

    You are so right. It is such a peaceful, contented feeling to give over that control.

    I love the love and commitment both of you have to each other, and to ttwd. It is so wonderful and heart warming to come here and read about your journey and how you are growing, both as individuals and as a couple.

    It is so great that you recognise this need in him to further grow and learn as Cali said. I think you said it yourself in this post. Some of the hesitation comes from the fact that he takes his job as HoH seriously and is therefore anxious to make the right decisions, do the right thing. He doesn't want to act on knee jerk impulses. A sign of a loving, caring and committed HoH :)

    I hope the month goes well for you. I'm happy for you!

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Roz, that is a wonderful way to put it. :) He does take his job seriously, and it has taken me a while to see that his inaction is not caring, but time needed to make the right decisions. :)

      And thank you, I hope we learn a lot this month too. :)

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  10. Hi, Es May. So wrong of me to chuckle over the flip-smack, but I did. Glad your words finally came. Plus, you not only did that thing that was good for you (should one ask?), you relinquished your Kindle and went to sleep. How high, indeed!

    Hardcore for a month... Do you have ice cushions on hand?

    You sound really positive, so I'm happy for you! Well, you don't sound thrilled about the fact spankings hurt, but, you know, other than that things sound great!

    Hugs,
    Irishey

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    1. LOL, chuckle away, Irishey. I do to others at their posts. LOL I did relinquish the kindle, but I won't lie, I didn't really have a choice. Without realizing what he was doing, he grabbed it right out from underneath me... so I wasn't really noble... I didn't get a chance to get a choice. LOL

      LOL, I guess I mean hard care as in, he'll step up every time he sees me misbehaving and call me on it without debating if he should let it slide or not. I don't anticipate the spankings getting harder... or I hope not much harder! :)

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    2. Aw, I was teasing about the ice cushion for your tush - kinda! ;-) Cat does have a great idea about that forever comfy cushion, though. If it's the one I recall, the trucker in the ad claims it makes his bottom feel better. Okay, so I feel a little widgy hearing him say that, but if it works, it works!

      I did understand your hardcore month wasn't all about the spankings. You both agreed to turn it all over to him, he will lead strongly, you will follow completely, and mistakes will be forgiven so you can find your strides and fine-tune your dd. Acceptance, forgiveness, enthusiasm, teamwork, communication - with forward progress as your goal.

      Gosh, sounds so simple. :-) I know it will take hard work and open hearts. I'll be cheering for you!

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    3. Hehehe, glad you understood. :) Yeah... sounds so simple. We'll see how we do. :)

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  11. Everything is a learning curve for everybody. You can also find me at http://justhissubwife.blogspot.com (use to be trazures dark cove)

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    1. You are right, we all have our learning curves. :) Thank you, Angel Blue.

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  12. Hey Es May...hard core for a month? Good gravy...can we say owie? Don't remember if you were around when I write about the forever comfy...go read here...http://gigglesgrinsandreflections.blogspot.com/2012/10/ouch-ahhhh_28.html. You might want to consider investing...actually saw them in Wal-Mart the other day. ;)

    Very happy to hear how well you and the Duke are doing with your communication and responses. He is stepping up and you are stepping back...awesome!

    Sending lots of positive energy!

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Thank you, I will have to take a look. ;) But it isn't the spankings that will be hard core, I meant more that we'll do DD hard core, the Duke will step up and call me out on more things instead of debating if I need grace I the moment or not. I just want to help him learn more that he doesn't have to be so easy going on me. We'll see how it goes. :)

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Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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