UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Monday, July 15, 2013

Glad To Be Stupid

Somethings are starting to make sense in my brain.  Sometimes I'm brilliant, I can pick things up fast.  Other times, I'm so stupid I wonder how I manage to function.  Like Algebra, why do we need to put in a bunch of letters in a mathematical equation and then try to make sense out of it?  The only reason I passed high school math was because we also took Trigonometry and Geometry.  I got 100's on every one of those tests, Algebra?  I could give you the answer, I could not tell you how I got it.  I failed almost everyone of those tests because I could not learn the equations.

So sometimes I come across as really smart, and other times, so stupid that people wonder how I even feed myself breakfast in the mornings.  Somethings click so fast, others just never make any sense.

So DD has been a balance for me, a lesson in humility, a REAL eye opener!  If you want to feel stupid fast, DD is certainly the way to go. ;)  We go in with all these preconceived notions, all these high expectations, and a plan that is DEFINITELY going to make our marriage better.  We have it all worked out.  We have researched this thing beyond belief, we got this down pat!  Now to just start living this life, and then everything will be smooth sailing.  PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one that was half near so stupid?  Okay, maybe I wasn't this idealistic, but I wasn't far off. :)

At first, I was trying to fit into the mold.  Here are some instances where what I read about did not fit into what I needed.

1.  Domestic Discipline is not about sex.  - I had read that, and so tried to make sure nothing about the DD things we did were about sex.  And yes, discipline in this lifestyle is not about being sexy {talking about discipline, not fun spankings here}, it is about realigning, correction, trying to better ourselves, role affirmation, you get the drift.  But I took it too far.  Cuddling after a hard spanking often leads to intimacy for us.  I mean by that point I either am half naked, or fully naked, my husband is only human, I've just gone through an emotional experience and need the connection, and the Duke is holding me, loving me, and making me feel so cherished  Fighting that desire left us confused, left me open, vulnerable, and hurt.  So now spankings usually end in intimacy.  We just shared a large bonding moment during a spanking.  I have learned it is perfectly okay for the spanking not to be about sex, but that that doesn't mean intimacy can't follow afterwards.

2. Every man wants control and will naturally lead us - Yeah, well that wasn't the case for months.  But he's getting there. :)  But at first, all he saw was that he'd have to be spanking his wife all the time.  Well that never ended up being the case, but it was still a real worry for him.  Many of you know, we walk in with preconceived notions of how DD will look, how we'll act, how our husbands will lead us.  But then their idea of leading us ends up being different than how we wanted.  But isn't that where true submission actually starts?  When it's not what we wanted, what we planned, but will we still follow regardless of this?

3. I will become an obedient, submissive, demure wife. - HA!  LOL.  Okay, have a good laugh, we all fell for that one... or if you didn't, laugh at me. :)  We may have improved, we may like who we are a lot more now.  But we're still women, we're still hormonal, we still stress out way too easily, we still take on more than we can chew, and we still think we are stronger than we are.  Please, again, tell me I'm not alone here. ;)  Thank goodness for our loving husbands who pull us back, ask us to take on less, reset us so that we can let go of our spiralling emotions, and who pull us back to center ourselves.  We will never be perfect, but then again, if we were, who would keep our husbands on their toes? ;)  Surely they would miss realigning our little, or in my case not so little, bottoms. ;)

4. DD will fix all our problems. - Now, I do believe in a sense that this is a HUGE help in all our problems, or most.  But we can't go in expecting this to work right away, expect that there will be no more fights, no more hurt feelings, no more feeling lost or out of control.  In fact, when you start DD, sometimes these all seem to escalate for a time while you both get your footing.  We hoped we'd be perfect right away, life is never that easy.

So this weekend has been more of this relearning in my brain.  The Duke is really stepping up.  With it, I lose some of my freedoms, but somehow gain a freedom in my heart.  I am learning where more of the boundaries are, and instead of hating the few restrictions put upon me, I'm actually loving the peace I feel at knowing my limits.  I have been spanked a few times this weekend, we have talked, my submissiveness has been tested over and over again, asking me to go to places I'd never gone before.  It was hard at times to let go, to be so exposed... but it was so worth it. 

I thought submission would come in this neat little package.  The Duke would ask things of me that might inconvenience me a little, but not much.  But in talking this weekend, I told him, if it's always something I'm willing to do, and happy to do, is it really submission?  I had to let go of yet another notion about DD, had to admit I'd been thinking wrong.  So the Duke has been pushing me.  Not forcing me against my will, not to do something I hate, but just to do things I normally would be uncomfortable with, or not like doing, or just embarrassed a bit with.  I cannot believe the peace that has filled me each time I obey, every time I learn to trust the Duke more.  I cannot believe how much I am craving his direction, his rule over me, and yet with every ounce I crave it, I know how safe I am in letting him know this.  I know he will never use this against me. 

The Duke has been pushing my feeling of vulnerability this week, in the bedroom, out of the bedroom.  He's helping me to feel vulnerable and exposed so that he can show me how much I can trust him.  He's getting me to open myself up to him in ways I didn't know I could.  It's been scary at times, I didn't know how much of myself I was still protecting.  He's been so gentle with me, and at times, not so gentle in needing to be firm.  But it's what I've been needing.

The Duke is loving the changes in me the past week.  I hadn't realized how many there were.  I was seeing the changes in him.  I actually felt my chest tighten when he told me he was proud of me.  Tears almost burst.  I was so thankful.  I want him to be happy with me.  He always is, but I usually forget it.  And apparently, my rule about thinking bad about myself is about to get a lot more strict... oh boy.

DD is not what I imagined it would look like, but in many ways, it's better. :)  I'm glad to be stupidly wrong this time. :)

20 comments:

  1. A lovely post and well written explaining your relationship! Thank you,
    Meredith

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    1. Thank you, Meredith. I am glad you enjoyed. :)

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  2. Happy to hear you have both found your stride.

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    1. We are getting there, day by day. :)

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  3. You are soooo not alone.. I don't know how many times I have thought, "this is NOT how it's supposed to be... NOTHING in what I read said anything about THIS." We are right there with you guys.. it's nice to know we are not alone in this journey

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    1. HAHAAHA, yep, so true. :) And I am really glad to know we are not alone in this journey. :) That is one reason I've really come to appreciate the blogs. They show all kinds of perspectives, and that is really great to have.

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  4. They say that there isn't one form of DD that first all and it's soooo true. As much as it would be nice, it's kinda like child raising book, some good ideas, some terrible ones..... pick and choose what works for you, chances are nobody will have written anything that will help you with each particular situation. :)

    Calllie

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    1. Hey, I like that idea. And that is so true about child raising books. What works for 80% is a totally bad idea for the other 20%. Can you imagine a book that tried to fully explain DD? We'd never be able to lift it. ;) lol

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  5. Hi Es May, I LOVE this! This is a wonderful post, so well written and I love the humour :0

    You are so right. I think we all pretty much go into DD with preconceived ideas and i like you 4 points. The first one was definitely and issue for us in the beginning and as you said, led to some confusion. There is no reason spanking can't lead to intimacy afterwards.

    I'm glad to hear the week is going well for you. I'm so happy for you! It's wonderful to see how much you and the Duke have grown and continue to grow :)

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Oh Roz... hearing you say that about DD and intimacy makes me feel so less alone. I was really so confused by this one, and it led to some distancing while we worked it out when it could have lead to more intimacy on every level.

      I hope we keep growing, I'm really liking the changes, really needing the changes. I can feel my heart growing, literally, I feel this warmth in my chest, and it's love. :) Love for the Duke, and now, actually love for me. I never thought I'd love myself... I like it.

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  6. I can definitely relate to that frustration...the "mold" just doesn't really fit! Haha, I don't use patterns when I sew or recipes when I cook either. There's less risk when you do things by the book I suppose, but where's the excitement and passion in that? I think it's cool that you are focusing on doing things your own way.

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    1. See, now Tess, that makes me feel better. I never knit with a pattern, and the few times I do, I always tweak it, and recipes... they're a good starting point IF I use one. ;) Aw, I just fell in love with you. ;) Doing it our way does make it special... it's ours, all ours, and feeling that way, makes it feel like it's harder for people to reach and try to get their hands in to taint. :)

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  7. Hey Es May...So very happy to come visit and see how well this week is going for you and the Duke...it is so wonderful to see the growth in you two and in your relationship. Just remember sweetie...there can be growing pains just as there have been in the past so please do not get discouraged if you encounter some. ;) Come back and read this post if you hit one of those bumps!

    Sending lots of positive energy your way.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Thank you, Cat. I was actually worried a bit this week. Things are going good, we're growing, and how would I tell blogland when things start to backslide a bit? But then I realized, that's DD, that's life, and in blogging, we can be so honest. You helped me see that it'll be okay to share, and go through it. :) Thank you. :)

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  8. Oh Es May! You could print this out, have it framed and send it to bunches and bunches of us and it would say the same thing that so many of us have thought. It's wonderful and terrible and shows how much you have grown. We all eventually figure out that our own way is the only way but hey, if we didn't have any preconceived notions to begin with, we wouldn't have had anything to start this journey with.

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    1. That is true, and probably is true for marriage in general. We all go in knowing our marriage is going to work, and be the best on the planet. Only to find out we're just as human as everyone on our block. Go figure. ;)

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  9. You're definitely not stupid! I think we all went into DD with some preconceived notions and sometimes it takes awhile to let go of those. It sounds like you and Duke are doing great and you should both be very proud of yourselves! :)

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    1. Thank you, Grace. I am trying to be proud, I still see how much I mess up, in fact, with the new freedoms I'm actually finding I'm struggling with issues I thought I'd over come years ago... it's unsettling, but we're getting there together, to where we want to be. :)

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  10. Great post :)
    I'm with you on the preconceived notions. We had a few of those too. It's not one size fits all, that's for sure!
    Elle

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    1. So true. :) And there is beauty in that. If we were all alike, we wouldn't need the processing, the sharing, the being there for each other. But it's great that we can be. And in sharing, we learn from each others, and help teach others. :)

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Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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