UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Monday, July 29, 2013

Care To Join Me??? :)

First of all, I want to say thank you to all the lurkers out there that read my blog.  I want you to know that I am honoured that you stop by and read.  I know you may never feel comfortable enough to introduce yourself, but I wanted to say hi all the same. :)  And if you ever do want to write as well, I want you to know that that is alright too. :)

So, before I wrote today's post, I just found a reoccurring question from yesterday, so in case you don't check back, just wanted to quickly fill you in.  My next pregnancy, I will be on bed rest.  So yes, we are looking into adoption, and have been on the lists for four years now or so.  But right now we feel we should try for our own as it will be harder to have an adopted child running around and be on bed rest.  So we have asked everyone we know to pray for a baby of our own now, and later on we'll ask for prayer for adoption, but feel there should be unity in the prayer for a baby of our own.  So yes, thank you for all the advise, we do plan to adopt someday. :)  We just hope to have one of our own first.  And thank you for all the encouragement, I am happy to say that today is going much better! :)

Okay, so now, for my thoughts for today.  Today I actually have a favour to ask. :)  A kind of reminiscing if you will.  We keep getting more and more new bloggers, and more and more lurkers, and I think it's just wonderful!  So my favour from you is to ask you to share two things if you would in the comments.  I am going to answer my own questions as well, and hopefully any new bloggers that come along, can learn from some of our mistakes, and our victories. :)  Now, DD is different for every couple, so that is why I thought having different people share would be a good idea. :)

So, here are my questions, if you're willing to play along. :)  Even if you only wish to answer one or two of the five, it might be a big help to someone out there. :)

1. What was the biggest misconceptiong/mistake you made going into DD?
2. What do you wish you'd been told before approaching your spouse with DD?
3. What were the best things you noticed early on in DD?
4. If you could start DD over again, what would you change?
5. If you could give one piece of advice to someone starting out, what would it be?

Okay, so, here are my answers, and if yours are similar, don't feel you can't answer. :)  I'd still love to hear what you think. :)

1. What was the biggest misconceptiong/mistake you made going into DD?
-  That the Duke would automatically want to be in charge, and would take to DD like a duck to water.  He is getting the hang of it, but it's been almost a year since I started talking to him, and 8-9 months of living it.  It was slow going, but very worth it.
2. What do you wish you'd been told before approaching your spouse with DD?
- That it was okay for my husband not to be excited about DD right away.  It took several months of talks, but at first, I thought him seeming resistant to it meant it would never happen.  I am glad I was wrong.
3. What were the best things you noticed early on in DD?
- There is something that happens when you're over your husband's knee.  You're vulnerable, it's intimate, you're safe, and even though you're about to have your bottom set on fire, you know it's for your own good.  Also, the Duke became more playful, and we started having more fun in general.  We started feeling more free after starting DD.  We talked more, and listened more, and just liked to be together more.
4. If you could start DD over again, what would you change?
- I would have told myself to congratulate the Duke more, and thank him for his progress, and not be so upset that he wasn't growing at the pace I thought he should.  The Duke had been a leader when we dated, and stepped completely back when we got married.  I knew he had it in him, but I pushed too much, and made him feel inferior I think when all I really meant to do was encourage him and gently challenge.
5. If you could give one piece of advice to someone starting out, what would it be?
- Mistakes will happen.  You'll think you'll act one way getting spanked, and be surprised to find yourself doing the exact opposite.  You'll get spanked too hard sometimes, too soft others, too long, too short.  You'll think you should do one thing and you should do another.  Be willing to make those mistakes and learn from them.  Allow grace for each other as you learn.  If you get spanked too hard, realize he's never had lessons, he too is learning as he goes.  If it seems he is inconsistant, remember this is all new to him, and he's probably wondering when to give you grace and when to stand firm.  Talk through this mistakes, work on them, and you'll come out stronger and better than ever. :)

Anyone else feel like sharing a few pieces of advice? :)

12 comments:

  1. We're not DD but this is a great post and I am sure it will be very helpful to other DD couples, both old and new. Other perspectives always open up new avenues.

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    1. Thank you, sunnygirl. I hope it will help some people out there. :)

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  2. Oh Esmay, this is a great post, I'll have to think about it though before I can answer :)
    Hugs x

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    1. NO worries, I do realize it's not often we write posts that ask work from people.:) I wasn't even sure about posting it, but it was what was on my heart, so I did. :)

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  3. 1. What was the biggest misconception/mistake you made going into DD?
    - I think the biggest mistake that I made was trying to be submissive, but controlling how I did it. It left The Man often confused and frustrated until I let go.
    2. What do you wish you'd been told before approaching your spouse with DD?
    - I wish I had understood and had known where to look to find information. I wish that I had known that my needs were and are very normal and I wasn't some kind of strange freak that should be ashamed.
    3. What were the best things you noticed early on in DD?
    - The first thing I noticed was that the stability this life provided for me allowed me to relax. It allowed me the ability to self govern but know that if I couldn't or needed help then The Man was there to assist me.
    4. If you could start DD over again, what would you change?
    - I would give The Man complete control. It is a process and one we needed to go through, especially as I have PTSD, but things settled so quickly when I stopped fighting myself and The Man.
    5. If you could give one piece of advice to someone starting out, what would it be?
    -Don't be afraid or ashamed of your needs. communication is the absolute most important Dd tool there is. Not the paddle, not spanking, not corner time, lines or any other form of punishment. Talking with your mate, opening your heart and opening your mouth is the most powerful tool. I will admit, I am sometimes best able to do that while my bottom is up and my head down and The Man is "motivating me.."

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    1. Dana, how true those words are, that communication is the most important DD tool there is. It is amazing how much you need to talk in DD, but it makes everything so much better... and yeah, there is something about being able to be more free with what we share when we're over the knee. ;) Motivation, wow, is that what you call it, hehehe

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  4. Wow... You have me thinking so hard here and I started rambling like I do. My thoughts need their own post all together... Will write that one later.

    I don't want to discourage anyone from DD because I think it's a beautiful thing when in the context of a good relationship.

    We're not DD and I doubt we ever will be. A little kinky, yes, but DD no. We have our roles, I guess you'd say, nothing else.

    My biggest misconception and the advice I wish I had many months ago.... You've got to be sure your marriage /relationship is strong, loving, and true before embarking on any discussion. Not every spouse has a desire or is capable of an honest communicative partnership. When one opens those floodgates unknowing that the other wanted them kept shut, it can create problems far beyond the ones you were trying to solve.

    So to sum it up, know your partner well enough to know what their emotional capabilities are ahead of time. Don't make assumptions.

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    1. That is a good one, and in knowing your partner well enough, you will also know how safe all this information will be in their hands. I really like how you put it, that not every spouse is capable for an honest communicative partnership. I truly do not believe DD is for everyone, and this is just one reason I believe this. Thank you so much for sharing. :)

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  5. 1. What was the biggest misconception/mistake you made going into DD?

    Answer: Possibly that, because it works that way for a lucky few, that everything would fall neatly into place overnight. The reality is that there is no 'timetable' or 'one true way' in which to incorporate DD into your life as a couple. Although they we ultimately strive for the same goal of loving connection, it is the personal history, physical and emotional characteristics and singular and collective experiences of the two individuals in the relationship that define their particular needs and the unique path they have to follow to achieve that connection.

    ~~~~

    2. What do you wish you'd been told before approaching your spouse with DD?

    Answer: I didn't actually "approach" my spouse with the idea because me met on a DD forum.

    However, I wish I had been told that it's a bad idea to try to compare and measure the 'success' or 'failure' of my DD relationship against that of others. It took me a long time to realise that the only thing that matters it what is relevant to us as a couple and what works for works for *us* and that it actually works much better if we let nature take its course and cease to worry about trying to follow some kind of 'routine that has no relevancy to the real us.

    ~~~~

    3. What were the best things you noticed early on in DD?

    Answer: Mainly that we communicated better and were more aware of and in tune with each other's needs.

    ~~~~

    4. If you could start DD over again, what would you change?

    Answer: I think I answered that in my responses to questions 1 and 2., but to recap, the most important thing is that it's not about what anyone else needs or does, but solely about us. While input and advice from others is often useful, it's a matter of sifting, choosing and adapting to suit *our* needs and not about doing what someone else thinks we 'should'.

    ~~~~

    5. If you could give one piece of advice to someone starting out, what would it be?

    Answer: The same. That it's not about anyone else, their needs, their pace, or *their* right way to do things. It's defined and driven entirely by *your* unique needs as a couple.

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    1. I wish I could say that I hadn't fallen for the same trap, to compare the Duke to others, but that would be ONE BIG HUGE LIE. I compared, and compared, and then did some more comparing. It's amazing he didn't leave me. But I've learned to let go, and let him lead. Now it has a chance to work, but before it didn't. Thank you so much for sharing. :)

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  6. Hi E's May,

    What great questions. I wish I would have read this before I started DD. I will have to think about my awnser and come back to comment. It's late and my brain is too tired to think that hard at the moment!
    Hugs,
    Kim

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  7. Hi Es May, this is a fantastic post and I am nodding my head reading your answers. I'm sure your words are going to be a great help to many.

    Sorry I am late to this post. These are great and important questions. 'm going to have to think about my answers and come back, or perhaps make a post of my answers if you don't mind.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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