UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Saturday, June 15, 2013

100th Post

Today is my 100th post.  I'm not sure I'm where I thought I would be at this point.  Life has been so hectic, and DD can be hard to keep in mind when this happens.  But I can honestly say after some thinking, that we have come quite far since we started.

I first of all am amazed at this community.  There have been times when life and my health have kept me from being the kind of friend I should be here, but you're always so kind, always waiting to welcome me back with open arms, and it means so much to me.  I'm still catching up on blogs from my last time needing to catch up on life, and have had so much fun getting to read what is going on in your lives again.  Sometimes I read during my breaks, so don't always get a chance to comment, but am still loving catching up. :)

I am also amazed at how much people care about each other here.  On the 19th, in just 4 days, it'll be 6 months since I started this blog.  I have over 18k views.  My old blog I had for over 3 1/2 years.  I had 12k views on it.  People kept asking me to keep that blog, but no one ever commented.  I could do 10-20 posts with only one comment among them.  The funny thing is, I keep this blog as much for you as for me, and yet I have so much wonderful feedback.  It really helps to have people who I can help, and people to help me.

I cannot be honest in my real life about the life I lead.  I want to be, I want to shout it to the roof tops!  I want to start being able to answer people when they tell me I look so happy right now, and so does the Duke, and what are we doing?  I want them all to know why I'm so happy, why our marriage is better than ever before.  But I can't.  I feel like the day is getting closer though when it will be more acceptable to admit our lifestyles.  I really do believe that before my death (if I live to an old age), DD/TTWD will be something that is so widely known we can be as open about it as we are about the fact that we are married.  That is my dream anyway.  LOL, might terrify some of you. :)  And that is okay.

I look at my life, how it has changed.  I have learned to let go on control, something I'd been praying for for years.  I have a husband that is stepping up and leading.  I so desperately crave for him to give instruction, for him to put his foot down, to call me on my crap.  I spiral out of control sometimes, but if he catches me, if he steps in, my world balances itself so much more quickly.  I have a rock to hold onto, one that keeps me from going further than I mean to go.

I look at my marriage.  Before we at times did intimacy just trying to get pregnant.  That is SOO not the case anymore. :)   Yes, I still want to get pregnant.  But that is never the thought going into it anymore.  We just can't keep our hands off each other some days. :)  I REALLY missed that.  Sometimes I feel like a newlywed again. :)

We talk so much more, and I really missed that.  The Duke comes to bed with me several nights a week again, and he hasn't done that in years, he tends to stay up a couple hours after me.  I am really liking that too. :)  He checks in more with me to see how I'm doing, and worries if I'm a bit off.  I don't like the worry, but I love the checking in. :)

So my 100th post isn't to share anything insightful, I don't have any pearls of wisdom.  But I do want to say this.  I really believe my marriage would have been dead if we had not found DD.  We were spiraling out of control.  I no longer felt loved, needed, nor wanted.  I was crying myself to sleep some nights.  The Duke could hear my complaints, but he never changed, thinking I wasn't really serious because I'd make a complaint and then leave it alone for months before bringing it back up.  I don't like to nag.  Now with all the talking, he can really see when something bothers me.  I don't have to feel like I'm unimportant because he doesn't ignore the things I ask.  I don't ask much, I really watch how much I ask of him.  So it is good that he sees that. :)  Because of how much this has helped me, it really is another reason I hope that the word on DD becomes more and more popular.  In the wrong hands it could be dangerous, but with education, I feel there are many marriages still that will benefit.  Not all, maybe not even half, but I'm guessing at least 1/10. :)  And this wonderful community will be there to greet them. :)

I just want to thank you all for your support, your love, and your care.  I feel so welcomed here.  6 months ago I was so scared to start that first post.  We were only about a month into DD.  I felt like an imposter.  No longer. :)

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}  You guys are SOOOO GREAT!  Here is to 100 more posts that are better than the first. :)

38 comments:

  1. Congratulations on your 100th post. You are a wonderful part of this community and I look forward to reading your words. I'm glad you and the Duke are in such a great place.

    Hugs,
    TL

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    1. Thank you, TL, I'm hoping we keep growing, there is so much more we hope for. :)

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  2. 100 posts! Yay!!! Here's to 100 more! Congrats on your relationship
    with the Duke too. It's wonderful to hear you are doing so much better.

    hugs,
    sara

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    1. Thank you, Sara. :) It is weird to look at our first posts and see where we are now. I don't, at times, feel like we've grown much, but the posts prove me wrong.

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  3. 100 posts is quite an accomplishment! Thank you for sharing your journey! :)

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    1. Thank you, Kim, for reading along in the journey. :) It's been so great to have your support. :)

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  4. Congrats on your 100th post!

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    1. Thank you, Dana, and thank you for reading along. :)

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  5. Congrats on your 100th post. That's a lot of writing, thinking, sharing and reflection. I'm sure it has helped you learn a lot. I'm glad your in such a great place!
    Kim

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    1. You know, it really has helped me learn a lot to put it all down here. It has helped me process so much. :) Thank you, Kim.

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  6. Congrats on your 100th post :)

    You sound so happy, I'm so pleased for you. Keep blogging honey, and thanks for letting us share your journey x

    Hugs

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    1. Missy, thank you SOOO Much for sharing in the journey with me. I feel like you're one of my growing companions, having started near the same time, and going through some of the same problems.:) Thank you for being there.

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  7. Congratulations. Hope you are around for the 1,000 post.

    We're all here for each other, we may be in different boats but we're all wanting the same things, that's what's great about this community.

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    1. Wow, 1,000th post... that would be really cool. :) Never thought of that. :) You're right, it is so great to have this community, being in all different places, so that those coming in, can be helped from those that have been there. :)

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  8. One hundred posts and I believe I have read every one! Congrats. Just imagine where you will be at during the 200th post!

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    1. You just made my day. :) Some of my early posts are... well... wellll.... yeah, we'll just leave them at "well" LOL But it gives me so much honour that you went and read them. You are so awesome, Willie, thank you. :) Post 200 is just a dream, but I am excited to see what it will look like! :)

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  9. Oh EsMay,
    You are so special & I just love you!

    If it weren't for you and your encouragement, I probably would still be a lurker - you've been such a great & supportive friend to me (and I'm sure to lots of others). :)

    And you may not think you have any "pearls of wisdom", but you do! Congratulations on 100 posts!

    ((hugs))
    Cali

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    1. And not only are you not a lurker anymore, I see you urging others to write as well and join in the fun. :) I feel so proud. hehehe, Thank you for being here to share the ride with, Cali. :)

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  10. Congratulations!!! Wow! I am so glad you are here, I have read many of your posts and you have helped me and probably don't even know it. Congrats on your 100th post!!!
    Hugs,
    Honey

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    Replies
    1. Ashley Lee, it is so great to meet you. :) I greatly humbles and honours me to think I may have helped you. Sometimes I feel so lost in the journey, but am so blessed if my words helped others. :) Thank you. :)

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  11. Congrats on 100 posts!! I'm new to this community but I've never been welcomed with such warmth!! Tara

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    1. Tara, you really are joining a wonderful place. :) The people here, even if we don't always share the same goals or ways to meet them, are just so warm and welcoming. We all just want to find what works best for our marriages, and support each other in reaching that. :) Welcome aboard. :)

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  12. Congrats on your 100th post EsMay! I'm sure you will have many more posts to come and I look forward to reading them. Thanks for sharing a huge part of your life with the Duke with all us.

    Blessings,

    Callie

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    1. Callie, thank you too. You have been a big part in my journey, not sure if you know that, but you have. Sometimes you call us out to be honest with ourselves, sometimes in very hard, and needed ways. :) I have grown so much by listening to you, and reading you. Thank you for being willing to share in our journey. :)

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  13. Wow Es May, Congratulations on 100 posts!

    What a lovely post this is too for your 100th :) A wonderful reflection on how far you and the Duke have come. I'm so happy for you.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Thank you, Roz. I can honestly say it has been so great to have you as one of my long time readers. :) I hope we have more and more to share as we learn, so others can see it's okay to make HUGE mistakes, lol, and also to help if we can. :) Thank you for being part of our journey. :)

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  14. congratulations es may! i have loved reading your blog and love your blog! thank you for all your hard work, and please keep it up. :)

    hugs,
    m.

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    1. Thank you, Maryanne. :) That you love reading my blog, wow, thank you. And I promise to keep it up, even when I have no time to always write back right away. :)

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  15. Congratulations on your 100th post Es May. So very happy that you and the Duke are in such a great place. Keep up the awesome work and know that you are a much loved and valued member of this community.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Thank you, Cat.... it seems weird to be called a loved and valued member, I remember joining, just six months ago today, feeling like such an imposter, on the outside, looking in. But this community has truly made me feel like I'm home.:)

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  16. Congrats on reaching 100 Es May!!

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    1. Thank you, Tess. :) I can't believe I made it this far. :)

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  17. Congratulations!!!! Can't wait to read your next 100!

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    1. Thank you, Blondie. :)Hopefully they will be good for the next 100th. :) Not sure how I'll fill them, lol, but then again, not really sure how I filled the last 100 either. LOL

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  18. Es May, Congratulations! I have just started and on about post number 9, so I really think that is awsome!!!

    George

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    1. Thank you, George. And before you know it, you'll be looking at post 100 being amazed at the beautiful journey it has been. :) I am so glad you are writing now. :)

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  19. congrats on the 100th post my friend

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    1. Thank you, Tiffany. :) And thank you for joining me in the journey. It has been great hearing your comments. :)

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Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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