UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Domestic Discipline Boot Camp - Finale

When I say the Duke is awesome, it doesn't seem to cut it.

As you all know from my post yesterday, I was having a hard time.  I did really well throughout the day until the final punishment session.  And then it was over the top.

So today?  The Duke decided that even though we still needed to go through with the rest of the bootcamp, he found a way to make it easier on me.  My stomach was still bothering me, and I didn't want to break down again, so I let him.  As you saw earlier today, the Duke wrote his first post, and has committed to writing the occassional post now.  That is one of the possible homework assignments, to start either a journal, or a blog.  The Duke said since this is already something I do, I could just relax as he started doing the same.  We had talked in the past about him writing on here from time to time, so he decided to take me on that offer.  He said because I already do this, I could relax while he did it. 

Today we got to watch a movie, go mini golfing, get smoothies, have several discussions, and then ended the day with some wine and a short movie.  Oh... Did I forget to mention there were THREE spankings today????  I could barely take the last one, and when the Duke saw how much I was struggling, he easied off a bit.  I don't know that I've ever been able not sit down after a spanking, but tonight, after spanking three, my butt was so on fire I could not sit down. 

So, here it is the end of day two.  And the Duke and I have decided that since so many people seem to be wondering about the boot camp, we'd answer a few questions for you.  I am putting my answers in pink and the Duke's in blue.  Now, we used the general idea and outline from the book we got in February called Domestic Discipline Boot Camp for Beginners.  If you are thinking at all of doing the boot camp in the future, you may want to take advantage of the fact that the book is currently on sale right now at the Learning Domestic Discipline site.  We also used their workbook a bit for this.  We didn't print out the pages, but they did help us in doing the homework assignments.  Here are our answers.  Remember, Es May in Pink, The Duke in Blue.

What did you like about the boot camp?
First of all, it's two days, uninterrupted, with the person you love.  We even unplugged the phones so that they wouldn't distract us.  Having the Duke's undivided attention for two whole days was amazing.  I also liked the number of homework assignments.  We really got to talk, A LOT.  And I loved it.  It really was like our own private couples retreat, and having the schedule really helped us feel like we were doing this great couples weekend of learning and growing, and really, we were. :)
I liked that the boot camp gave me a chance to practice my HOH skills. I liked being able to try different punishments, and I like how a lot of the assigments and exercises helped me to connect with my wife.

What did you not like about the boot camp?
I really found the punishments in the evening to be hard.  I was just over tired I think.  You do so much good processing throughout the day, but it does leave you a little less able to deal with punishments, even though they aren't supposed to be actual punishments, it can be hard to make your brain and heart believe that when you're tired.
I thought day 1 was a little too heavily packed, especially towards the evening where it felt like it was going on and on. I don’t think the additional punishment exercise should be the last thing you do in the day.  {This opinion is probably a lot my fault for breaking down, he really did worry about me.  Gotta love a guy that worries about you!  Yes, my heart is melting. When did I become such a sap?}

Would you ever do another one again?
Yes, the Duke and I even talked about doing this again once a year.  Changing it up as we'll be further into our DD dynamic, but we like the idea of the reconnection time, reevaluating goals and such. 
I am not sure we would do this specific boot camp layout again, however I would like to do a similar kind of boot camp or retreat type experience with my wife again.

What would you change next time if you were to do it again?
I think I would ask the Duke if we could have all the punishments done before supper time.  We also could take out some of the beginner punishments because they say to try them if you never have.  Well, we've done them now, so no need to needly repeat. :)  *RIGHT DUKE???*
I would probably modify the punishment exercises. I don’t think there is a need to practice so many of the non-spanking punishments except the lectures. I lot of the non-spanking punishments require the wife to think about and process the rule they broke, however if they have not broken a rule they are just wasting time literally in the case of the corner and bedroom time. Also, I probably would not do all 3 spankings on the same. Also, I think I would pick different homework assignments for the most part. {He means different ones in the book because there are 25 to chose from, and you only pick so many to go over the weekend.  His ideas on trying out so many punishments is probably my fault too... }

Do you think the boot camp has changed your relationship?
I see a difference in the Duke already.  When he worried about standing up for himself, I tested him to prove he could do it. ;)  I told him to go sleep on the sofa for the night.  He would put his foot down and say no, and give me reasons why he was sleeping in the same bed as me.  Then I really pushed.  He didn't give in.  Then I smiled and told him I wasn't worried about him backing down. ;)
Yes I think we are closer because we have been through an interesting experience together. I think I am more in charge now then I was before the weekend, and I think out of some of the exercises like the lecture exercise, the rules and budget assignments, and the spanking exercises I have a better idea what to do in certain situations in the future. For example I know the kinds punishments I need to inflict for certain rule breakings, I know how much money we have to spend so I have a better idea on if I should spend money on something or not, and I have a better idea on how to handle my wife in certain situations.

Would you recommend the Beginner’s Boot Camp book?
I would, but only if you honestly feel it's something you would benefit from.  Also, play the weekend by ear, if you find your schedule isn't doing what you hoped, change it.  I would recommend the workbook as well.  I learned things about myself this weekend I didn't even know.  It really helped us to dig deep.  How can I expect the Duke to help me if I don't even know why I do some of the things I do?  This book really helped us with that.  I was so shocked.  If you decide that a boot camp would be right for you, bring a box of tissue with you if you're prone to crying! ;)
Yes I think it would definitely help their relationship and it really lays down some groundwork for the DD lifestyle to follow.

So there you have it.  We did it, we survived boot camp!  My bottom may not quite agree until tomorrow, but luckily it can't talk! ;)  I feel so much closer to the Duke now.  There are so many times it suggests cuddling, we took every advantage of that.  That man LOVES me.  I really did question it at times before, not now.  This boot camp really asks you to be honest, gut wrenching honest.  Trust me, I found it worth it! :)

If you have questions about it that we didn't ask ourselves, please feel free to ask in the comments and we'll try to answer them.  Feel free to ask us anything, this choice isn't right for everyone, and if you decide you think it is, we more than happy to tell you more about what we learned from it if it will help you make the right choice for your DD marriage.

22 comments:

  1. I sincerely hope that both of you can continue to reap the benefits you have seen from this weekend for a very long time.

    love, willie

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    1. Thank you, Willie. I guess I have two fears. One that he'll slack off again, and the other is that he won't!!! Yeah, I know. lol

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  2. Yay! I'm glad this ended up working out so well and it sounds like when you do it again, you'll be able to change things up and really make it your own.

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    1. That is what I hope. :) It's also good to have the notes we put in here, so that in a year, if we do decide to do it again, we can look back and remember what worked, and what didn't for us. :) That is the great thing about it, it can be so personalized.

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  3. Hey Es May, thank you both for sharing your experience with us. It sounds as though it was a positive experience for you. As Willie said, I hope you continue to reap the benefits from the weekend ... oh, and I hope you don't get spanked again for a while :)

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. OH my goodness, Roz, I so agree, though we did wonder if there should be a daily maintenance for a week. *GULP* It's not that my butt is so much tender anymore, but the skin is irritated, so I DO notice that. But tonight, either way, I think we're going spank free. :)

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  4. I'm so glad everything turned out EsMay! Your poor bottom though. :) I'm sure in a couple days it'll be fine too. :)

    M.

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    1. LOL I hope so too. :) I think by tomorrow it'll be back to normal. :)

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  5. It sounds like the most amazing experience. I'm so glad you had such a wonderful and productive time and that it has brought you closer together and helped in your understanding of yourselves and each other!

    Callie

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    1. Callie, thank you. :) It was really great. We needed that time, and we needed those issues worked through. And knowing each other better is... well, so emotionally intimate. :)

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  6. So very glad you had a great experience! Hope your bum is better soon, and you both benefit greatly from the experience! :)

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    1. Thank you, Cole, I hope we do too. And the bottom is doing better today, still aggravated, but not tender really. :)

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  7. Happy you survived the experience and that it worked well for you.

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    1. sunnygirl, there were moments I wasn't sure I'd survive. LOL Okay, honestly, kidding. :) Thank you. :)

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  8. Wow, impressive! So glad it worked so well for you.

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    1. Thank you, Sarah. :) I am glad too. :)

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  9. I'm happy you had such a good experience. Tm doesn't do any research on anything DD related so it would be pretty much up to me to bring boot camp up. After reading about your experience part of me wants to bring it up but part of me is still hesitant.
    It is cool to see how the duke got involved and even wrote a post himself. It's nice to see more from the perspective of Hoh's.
    Thanks to both of you for sharing :)

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    1. I am glad you liked hearing from. Right now we are sitting in the same room, him on the computer, me on my laptop, both returning comments to our posts. It seems REALLY weird to be doing that! lol But I am glad that you liked hearing from him. :) And I'd say bring up the idea to your husband. :) That way you can talk about it together. I know a few parts were hard, but to come out again where we are now, I'd do it all over again. :)

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  10. Sounds like you both learned a lot! :)

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    1. Quiet sara, that is so true. I thought he knew everything about me, but when I don't even know stuff about myself, how can I share it? It was great to uncover some things. :)

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  11. Im so glad you guys tried and liked the boot camp....colin and i did it and loved it. Was nice to read how you both felt about it

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  12. Thank you, Kenzie. :) I have to be in bed in 17 minutes, and need to write a post in that, but will check tomorrow to see if you have a blog. Boot camp was good, and glad that you and Colin liked it too. :)

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Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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