UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Domestic Discipline Boot Camp - Day One

I am exhausted.  So tired. 

Am I allowed to hunt down Clint and Chelsea and BEG them to change the book???? ;)

Would it be terribly wrong to change the copy of the book the Duke owns?  Or delete it and say the computer must have had a glitch????  ;) ;)

Okay, so boot camp isn't that bad, it really has been great, but I really do feel that some things in the book are to an excess.  Okay, only one, but still, when you're this tired, one thing can seem enormous.  The punishments.  At least with spanking there is a release.  But when you are given a lecture, later on a corner time, later on a 30 minute bedroom time, and then after that an hour of lines, mouth soaping, Bible reading, and a chore.  I just... at the end of the day, I was bawling while writing the lines.  Even though I'd done nothing wrong, it was just too much at the end of the day.  I think the fact that I didn't feel well did not help.  Been running to the bathroom all day. :(  Also, with all the punishments, even though I know they're just to get used to them, and the book does say to try them all that you plan to do, except things like grounding, I felt beaten down.  It's hard to take punishment after punishment when you have done nothing wrong, even if it is just to push your submission.

But the day wasn't all bad.  The lecture time we worked through some issues I didn't even know I had.  We talked, and talked, and I bawled like a baby.  It was so good, we needed to do this, see why I did the things that I do.  I didn't realize why I act the way I do when I'm close to throwing those hormonal tempertantrum.  After talking, the Duke really did see how much I struggle not to get angry, but that I just can't seem to win.  We also realized I do the exact same things my mother used to do when she'd throw a fit.  I was never taught how to handle my anger, so I to this day don't know.  So, I will research that, and he will help me.  We sat down and worked out steps for both him and I to try over the next year to help cut off the anger before it builds.  If in two years we still can't make the hormonal tempertantrums easier, we will look at the antidepressants that I could be on.  For now, we don't see the point of a medication that I have to take 365 days a year for the 4-6 breakdowns I'll have a year that only last an hour.  But they are severe, I get near suicidal, but then an hour later can be completely calm and back to my old self, so we'll see.

The homework assignments are really great.  And we made up a contract.  I wasn't going to, but then I read somewhere this week that it can also be a good idea to protect your husband.  If a healthcare professional, or law enforcement were ever to find out I was being spanked, or see the bruises, it is good for my husband's safety to have a contract drawn up to say that I do want this lifestyle, and that I do give him permission to discipline me, and spank me.  This way, if in the moment they think I'm afraid to tell them the truth, I have a signed copy for both the Duke and I of our commitment and roles to this lifestyle, mine even promises I am not signing it under force or coercion, just in case.  We took the short sample on the LDD site and then added our own things.  It did take an hour and a half, but it says just what we want it to say, and it proves that I want this lifestyle, and go into it with my eyes wide open.

Over all, this was a GREAT day, and so far we would really advise any couple thinking about the beginners boot camp to go for it.  (But really consider first if this is for you.  It is not for everyone, it is just what we felt was good for us.  Every marriage is different, and so every couple that does DD needs to do things their own way as well.)  The only thing I would change so far is the grouping of punishments at the end of the first day.  If you do this, maybe think about doing this earlier in the day.  I just was already so tired, and emotionally exhausted from all the work we'd already done that day going through my past, reasons for doing things and such, that I really was too tired to do these without breaking down.  I just felt, well in my past I used to be punished all the time for things I hadn't done... mom would make up lies to tell dad, she'd punish me, and then he would hear her side and punish me as well, I guess I felt a lot like that again today.  So if you don't have that in your past, it probably wouldn't be as hard for you.  For me, I broke down crying at one point, and left the Duke completely baffled.

So I am off to bed.  The Duke has given me more of an idea of what to expect tomorrow.  I think that might have been part of it too.  I left all the planning to him, purposefully didn't read the book so that I wouldn't make a mistake and say "HEY!  The book didn't say to do that!"  Yeah, I don't need more ammunition for punishments this weekend!  LOL  But... because I did that, I thought there were only three punishments a day, so the final one took me completely off guard.  So he's told me tomorrow is only spanking ones.  There are three, but I can do that.  And the great thing about the spanking ones is that at least there will be a release.  That will help. :)

So, I am still alive, and looking forward to tomorrow.  Not sure if it's because at the end of the day we'll be done, or that we really are getting closer already.  And I'm now completely sure that this lifestyle is what the Duke wants, and not something I pressured him into doing.  That weight off my shoulders is great.  Hearing the Duke tell me why he hopes we never go back, really touched my heart.  Hearing him praise me, and love on me... so wonderful.  I love that man! :)  And this bootcamp has been so great for seeing that so far. :)  I really do feel this boot camp was the right thing to do for us.  Yes, it has been hard at times, like I stated above, but there is also so many great things that happened today as well.  :)

If I have the energy, I'll write tomorrow night as well.  Night all! :)

30 comments:

  1. I am so glad to see that you are doing okay and that you are both growing. The Man and I have thought about fashioning a "retreat" for us, cause well PTSD and boot camp is a bit daunting.

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    1. Thank you, Dana. I used to have PTSD, so I completely understand your worry. {{{HUGS}}} Definitely do what you are able to. :)

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  2. Glad you can see the good in your first day. You're such a positive person. Hope tomorrow goes well for you.
    :)

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    1. Thank you, Sarah. I don't know that I'm a positive person, but thank you for thinking so. :)

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  3. So happy for you that things are going well for you two Es May! Thanks for updating us ;)

    Hugs,
    Tricia

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    1. It really did go well. :) Thank you, Tricia. :)

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  4. Im so happy for you that it has gone so well :) Thanks for the update, hope its just as good, if not better, tomorrow !

    Callie

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    1. Thank you, Callie, it has gone really well. :)

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  5. So glad that it is working for you. I couldn't handle the soap in the mouth thing. I never did that to my own kids so there is no way I could handle it myself. Brave woman.

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    1. We have decided that soaping will only be done for severe cases if I refuse to tell the truth on something, or keep swearing after several warnings. Since we've never had this problem, we don't see ever having to use it. To be honest, the Duke only made me put a few flakes, thank goodness! But if I ever need it in the future, it will NOT be just a few flakes. :(

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  6. Hey Es May, thank you for giving us and update and your thoughts on the structure of the day. I'm sure this will be a great help to those thinking about it.

    it's wonderful to hear the positives and closeness you two are getting out of it. I hope tomorrow is a good day. Wishing you all the best and looking forward to hearing about day 2.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Roz, thank you so much. :) I hope it will be a help to others too. The closeness is amazing. :) I won't lie.

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  7. Hi Es May

    Glad you made through day 1 and that you found out some new things about the two of you. Sleep thight

    Bob

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    1. Thank you, Bob. :) It was great to do so. :)

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  8. Oh your poor dear. I'm sorry but so glad you did this so we all can know about it. Especially the beginners like me. Thank you! I hope today goes GREAT and you are okay.

    Hugs
    M.

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    1. It was hard, but it was really worth it. I feel our marriage is already stronger. :) I am glad that it helps you learn about it.

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  9. Wowww... I'm glad it worked out for you :) I can so relate to the tantrums though.. I have the book and have read it..I'm not real sure I totally understand some of it..Like being punished when you've done nothing wrong..Gotta say you have more guts then I do

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    1. Hey April. :) I guess the punishments is to do a trial run so that you know how to execute it when it comes time to actually doing it. That way you can see if you'll possibly run into any problems, and also both people in the couple can fully understand their roles in the future for punishments. LOL, I don't know that I had more guts, lol, but definitely wanted to do whatever we could to make our marriage keep getting stronger. :)

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  10. I have been thinking about you and wondering how it was going. Bucko doesn't read anything about TTWD and I haven't been brave enough to tell him about the idea of boot camp. I think I'm a little scared of it myself. I don't do well with being overwhelmed, so I think you are doing awesome. :D

    Hugs,
    TL

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    1. TL, thank you so much. I don't do so hot overwhelmed either, so I completely understand holding off on telling him. But I have to tell you, if you an find a way to work through the overwhelming parts, this book really helped us through some things. :) Things I didn't know we'd ever get firm footing on. And thank you, I do feel kind of awesome at the moment. LOL I feel such an urge to flip my hair back with a hand like they do in the old movies! ;)

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  11. I'm glad you are doing okay. It sounds like some aspects of this have been really good for both of you and others overwhelming. I think I'd feel very much the same way at the end of a long, emotional day. I hope that your hubby took the guide and really made it your own on the second day so that you were not overwhelmed.

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    1. I am so glad you understand. :) I felt so weak to find it overwhelming, but looking at it today, I realized it really was a lot to handle in a day. He did make it all his own today. :) He really spoiled me if I were honest. ;)

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  12. You two are really committing to each other. It's inspiring. Good luck.
    Bea

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    1. Thank you. :) It went really well. :)

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  13. Hugs! I am glad you are both communicating the big and small stuff. *Sends love*

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    1. Thank you, I am trying to be honest. :)

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  14. It was our experience with a short boot camp that the most growth we did as a couple was through the homework assignment part of the experience and it sounds like you both have learned new things from the other and are very close at the end of day one. Good luck! :D

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    1. Christina, we found the same. I mean, there was some learning to do through the punishments, but most of it was the homework assignments. They are really what made the whole experience for us. I don't know if that's because we were alreading doing DD, or not.

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Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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