UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Thursday, March 07, 2013

Telling A Friend + F.ree Mini E.book

OH MY GOODNESS, I DID IT! 

I was telling one of you just last night that I was feeling down because I couldn't tell anyone in my real life about DD.  And then a friend called at 11:30.  Me and two friends have this pact, no matter what time of day or night, if one of the three of us needs each other, we call, no matter what.

So it was literally not long after telling you, dear friend here in blogland, that I wished I could tell someone about it that I found myself telling her.  We talked for an hour an twelve minutes, I didn't count, lol, it's just what my phone said when I went to hit "end".  I'd say twenty minutes of it was talking about DD.  And the funny things was, just before she called I had told the friend on here that I was chatting with that I wouldn't tell anyone I know in person, that it'd just be our secret because of the fact that there are other areas of our life we NEVER tell anyone, and so I could make myself not tell this.  So it was a surprise to me to be talking about it so soon after!  But we do keep other secrets, like our bedroom.  I've never told anyone what happens there.  I mean, I've said we're intimate, but I've never told anyone how, what we do, positions, or anything like that.  And other things too are kept secret.  So why I felt I NEEDED to share this, I really don't know, but feel it I did.

This friend moved away over five years ago, but we still keep in touch.  She's still one of the three of us, and I love talking to her.  She has a psychology degree, and was very worried about the other relationship I'd had before meeting The Duke.  He was very manipulative, and at the time I couldn't see it, so she would sit down and show me how he was alienating me from my friends, trying to gain control of my life, and make me a submissive.  But he was doing so in a mean way.  It wasn't for my interests and own good that he was making me a submissive, it was for his.  But with all that had happened there, I was a bit worried, but still felt she was the person to tell, I kept feeling it in my gut "Tell her, Tell her". 

So why I felt that of all the people I should listen to that voice and tell, it would be okay to tell her, I feel that was a God thing, but tell her I did.  I won't lie, I put out feelers first.  I told her I'd been doing research on how to improve marriages, how lonely and hurt I was feeling in ours at the time, and how I'd stumbled upon DD.  I asked her what her thoughts were, would a couple that looked into this be crazy, and some other feeler questions.  And you know what?  SHE TOTALLY AGREES!  Wow!  So I just flat out admitted it to her, in stages to see how she was taking it, and she said it was our marriage, and to do what works for us.  She has a friend that told her about their D/s relationship, and from the sounds of what she told me, theirs is A LOT like how The Duke and I live.  After hearing about D/s she did A LOT of research, because she's just like me in that way. :)  At first I wasn't going to tell her I get spanked.  I just told her that I need structure, so I told her that if I don't exercise, he can take my laptop away, or if I eat too many treats then there are consequences.

She had read a book called All The Little Boys, or something like that, I'll have to double check the title.  Anyway, in it it talks about how the feminist movement has gone too far in some aspects, that a lot of men have no idea where they stand now, what their position is supposed to be, and feel lost because they have to fight their instinct to protect and lead.  These men lose direction in life, and their drive.  She said that in the book it showed how more and more women might have to step back and stop wearing the pants in the family for the men to start finding their footing in not only their marriages, but also their lives.

It was a great talk. I finally admitted to some spankings, didn't go into any detail, but did tell her that with my guilty complex, it really helped take the guilt off my shoulders that normally I'd carry around for weeks, and she thought that was great because she knows I do that.  She was so supportive and will keep my secret, she always has on anything.  She also told me that The Duke was just the man to do this with because everyone has always said how much he loves me.  You know, he makes mistakes, I make mistakes, and sometimes we disagree, or argue, but that man loves me, and really shows it.  No one I know has EVER questioned his love for me.  Everyone says they can see it just by how he looks at me.  How he changed when I came into his life.  That makes me feel so good. 

I also told her about how he's starting to be more confident, and she was so glad.  I love The Duke, but his mother ruled with such a firm hand while he was growing up that he was never allowed to try anything on his own, never allowed to make any decisions for himself, and so never learned that it's okay to make mistakes to learn.  So until our marriage he's been a huge bundle of fear of making mistakes, and I've been trying for five years to show him that even if he makes a mistake, I'm here, and now he's starting to step out.  Little things, but they're big to me! :)  He'll get there.  He'll realize taht we all make mistakes, and it's okay.  I'm still here.  Having a man lead is not something either of us grew up with, my mother dictated in our house too.  Both of our mothers had complete control, to the endth degree.  So this is such a learning curve for us, but I really feel we're getting there.

Two nights ago was supposed to be maintenance, but I hadn't seen my best friend in over a month because of my new schedule, so we hung out and The Duke and I agreed to wait until last night.  Only last night I had a massive migraine.  I couldn't even stand up without almost passing out from the pain.  We agreed to post pone it, and then he found out he had a worship practice all the sudden scheduled in, so that took the guilt off my shoulders! :)

So anyway, that is my life right now.  I feel so free now that my friend knows.  Even though she's single, I find she's the friend I learn the most about from on marriage in my real life.  It's funny, people would say the same about me when I was single, and I wasn't sure how much to believe them.  Now I totally understand. :)

Not all of this makes sense probably, still working on a migraine. :(  And I'm trying to type on my laptop while sharing my lap with a purring kitty cat. :)  But I hope it made enough sense to tell you how free I feel now to have someone here to talk about this, someone that knows both The Duke and I on a deep level.  She says I can totally go to her if I need to talk more.  *WHEW*  :)  She will probably be the only person I ever tell, the only person I know that is very open minded, but I'm glad I have that one person now. :)  She also was a longtime follower of my last blog, and checked it often, I haven't been on it since this one, so I told her why.  I don't think I'll give her my link ever, but did want her to know why I'd "stopped" blogging. ;)

There is a f.ree mini e.book today, only 56pgs, it does have Christian themes, I'll warn you, but if it helps anyone, here is the link.  It's free for now, not sure for how long, so you might just want to check the cost before clicking to buy if you want it for free. :)  If you read the last mini book I put up, it's by the same author.  My titles will now say F.ree E.book because I'm getting spam on the ones that say it without the periods, and not on any other posts.  So we'll see if this works. :)

10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships by Krystan Kuehn
amazon.ca - http://www.amazon.com/Keys-Happy-Loving-Relationships-ebook/dp/B004CYF5I2/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1362661346&sr=1-2&keywords=christian+marriage
amazon.com - http://www.amazon.com/Keys-Happy-Loving-Relationships-ebook/dp/B004CYF5I2/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1362663501&sr=1-1&keywords=10+keys+to+happy+%26+loving+relationships

17 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh! Very brave of you Es May. It's awesome that she understood and had such a positive reaction...but even better that you feel so good about having shared that with her:)

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    1. Yes, I feel so good about it now. And I did put out a LOT of feelers first, claiming no ties while doing so to this lifestyle until I was sure she could handle it. LOL I might have been brave, but in the chicken way! lol

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  2. Yay for you!!! I'm so happy for you. This might be a very good thing internally for you too!

    love willie

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    Replies
    1. OH good. :) I was worried after telling you last night I could keep it a secret, and less than an hour later not doing so... that it would look SOOO BAD! *gulp* I do feel like it is good, I feel so free now. I don't need to be telling others, but I felt I needed just one friend, and when I realized she was the one I could tell... peace. :) Thank you so much. :) {{{HUGS}}}

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  3. Congratulations Es May...It is a wonderful feeling isn't it. Even if you two never discuss DD again, the knowledge that you don't have to pick your words carefully when speaking with her is very freeing.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Cat. It is wonderful. :) To know I can talk to her about anything again, ah. :) So great. :)

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  4. Yay for you! That's fantastic..... If only I had the courage.

    Callie

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    Replies
    1. I can't believe I did it. :) But it feels good. :)

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  5. Very interesting, thoughtful post Es May. Men don't seem to have the same need to talk about stuff like that to their friends, and I wonder why that is?

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    1. I am not sure... I think women often feel the need to have someone to confide in about certain things, someone to be behind them when they need comfort or need to problem solve. We problem solve best by talking. Why that is though, I'm not sure.

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  6. Wow EsMay, that's awesome! I'm so happy for you. I'm so glad her reaction was positive and that you feel so good about. It must be wonderful to know you can now talk freely with her.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    Replies
    1. Oh my goodness, yes, it is SO WONDERFUL! :) Now there is someone around me that I don't have to censure everything. :) Someone else the other day commented on how happy I was, and I almost slipped and said why! *gulp* SO having this friend now know is freeing.

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  7. You are one very brave young lady :)

    I have thought about it, but would never do it. You are lucky to have a friend who is so open to this. My friends and family would never understand. Either they would think its a kink or I'm being abused :(

    I'm pleased for you hon x

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    1. I thought the same, that no one would understand, but then I just sat down and thought about who I could trust if I had to, and she came to mind. But I did put out a lot of feelers first though, lots of questions of "Do you think these women are going back to the dark ages?" "Do you think they're abused or maniuplated?" I made it seem like it was an idea I just couldn't process at first, kind of cowards way of doing it. lol

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  8. Wow, what a friend you have to trust one of your most personal secrets.

    Bob

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    Replies
    1. OH, she is an AMAZING friend. No matter what has happened in life, I've been able to share with her, and her with me. I have been very blessed. :)

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  9. Es May it must be nice to find someone you can actually talk to about DD. Hope everything works out well for you.
    Lindy x

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Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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