I talk about my faith in this post, not to be preachy, but to show how a certain book and Bible passage finally cleared up in my head something I was finding really confusing about DD. I hope I do not offend anyone that chooses to read further.
So... I have a confession to make. I've been feeling really off kilter. The Duke and I have been talking about how to get him to feel like he can actually punish me. We're doing really good at the maintenance, but not so good on the punishments. Meaning, I think I've had one punishment spanking since we started, and it was only a few swats, and two times of writing out lines, and those lines were my idea.
All the sudden I felt like a child needing a spanking. I felt like I should be able to be a grown up. It was great to release the other night during maintenance. But am I a child to need readjustment? Correction? Why is it I crave direction so much?
But then today I saw a book on Amazon for free. When Love and Submission Ignite (Secrets to an Incredible
Love Relationship) It was only 31 pages, but I thought I'd give it a quick over. Now, it's really Biblical, so if that offends you, this won't be a book for you. And I'm not sure it teaches enough to be effective in learning to submit, but there were a few points I liked. This short books talks more about why you should submit, but doesn't tell you really how to. Even then I thought it could have gone into real detail. But anyways.
One quote I REALLY liked. It is talking about submission. "This does not make one inferior, but it provides an opportunity for accountability." It's true, I need accountability. This is what I've needed all along. I've never really had to be accountable to anyone. But it's something I've longed for for quite a while. There have never been consequences really, and I need that.
The book also quotes the passage in Ephesians 5:22-28.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.
Now, that really helped! It all clicked! My husband's job is to help make me spotless. To help me be without fault! That's his job, my job is to let him. WOW. Every time he punishs me it's to take away the guilt and the fault. Every time he corrects me, I become a better person with less flaws. He's helping me become the person I can't be on my own. So that doesn't make me a child to need his direction, to need his correction. It's his job. Not just something that will just make our marriage stronger, not just something that makes us more happy. It's what we are supposed to do. I feel so less childish with this.
Now, I've read that passage a number of times, but until DD, it never held so much meaning.
I sat the Duke down and we talked. I don't want him to feel bad about needing to punish me. He's really struggled to be the leader of our home. He's been so afraid of pushing me, upsetting me. So I sat him down to talk after reading this, and got him to read the Bible passage. I told him that he wasn't forcing me to do anything. I was handing over the reigns. I didn't want control anymore. I needed him to take it. I told him it was a gift. Did he want to take it or not? I told him of the times he had stepped up, and how much those meant to me (and how hot I found him!). He admitted to being afraid of taking this too far. And so I told him that if I ever find he's doing that, I'll tell him. Until then, I want him to go as full force on this that he can, and we'll find the balance together.
He agreed, and I could see that after a while of talking, the wheels were finally starting to churn in his head. Here's hoping we've stepped through another door. :)
I can't do all I'm supposed to do on my own. I need his help. And apparently that's okay, that's how I'm supposed to be. I don't need to feel bad for not being able to be strong on my own. I was made to need a help mate. I was made to need my husband. There is such a beauty in that!