My husband actually gave me an honest to goodness spanking. I mean, he spanked, and spanked, and spanked! Wow, and it made me so in awe of him. :) I was actually surprised he remembered maintenance. I wasn't going to bring it up actually... but he did. Wow... how did he even remember?
I didn't know he had it in him to spank me like he did. I'm not sure he knew he had it in himself. :) He checked in at one point to make sure I didn't feel like I was being beaten. I didn't feel that way at all. I felt safe. I felt good. Yes, my bottom was being smacked away upon, but I still felt so safe across my husband's lap.
I am sick today, quite sick, with no real voice. I did half of my chores today, but when I was having trouble breathing, I knew I had to take a break. My husband agreed when I asked him about it when he called me just a little after I decided I needed a break. We had hoped I'd have the energy to finish the rest before he got home, but I did not. I think the cold I thought I was going away is coming back.
So tonight he mentioned how he gave me a grace period because I was sick, but that he still expects me to finish the rest of my chores tomorrow. He also put me on a corner time when I asked if that was what I should do next. Through talking, we've agreed that if I'm not crying after maintenance, that will be what we do so that he can do a lecture phase there too. I do find it rather humbling and submissive to have to stand facing our bedroom door with my hands up on the door and my bottoms hanging down!
We just cuddled and talked afterwards, and my husband admits he likes the changes he's seeing. I talked this week about how silly DD seems to me all the sudden, and even felt very strange going over his knee tonight. It really felt so ridiculous, and I asked what in the world we were doing. I did ask it nicely, and in utter confusion, but boy did he put his foot down when he said we were doing what had to be done, and I was going to listen to him. So we're sticking with DD. I am glad we are. But all the sudden it seems a bit odd to think I'm going over his lap, on a regular basis. Not sure why it feels that way all the sudden, but it does.
But my world also feels safer now. I feel more in control now that there are limits. I know the goals we want to work towards now, and that makes me feel more safe. I also aim to please my husband more now that we do DD. But what I love most is that we're spending time together now. We're talking more. Having maintenance twice a weeks means we're bonding at least twice a week, no matter what else goes on in our week, in our world. I also love the cuddling. One of my love languages is physical touch. My husband holding me after a spanking is so great for me, for the security I have in our marriage. I have really been missing that. And not only cuddling after a spanking, but my husband is pulling me in for hugs more, kissing me more, and just has his hands on me in love more often lately. I feel like we are teenagers in love again. It's so wonderful. :)
So now I sit on a sore bottom, I do feel more submissive, though not as all glowly and sunshiny as normal. But that could just be the cold talking. :) The good thing is that I really rested for much of the day today, and except for about an hour or two of chores tomorrow, that is what I will be doing tomorrow as well. :) I am in a much better frame of mind than I have been all week, that is for sure.
I want to thank you all for all your support this week while my son was on my mind so much. I know some of that is being further along in the grief journey, but also a lot of it is DD, and a lot of it was knowing I had you guys behind me. I have felt so loved and supported this week. You guys really are like another family. I am so honoured that you not only read along as I share my journey, but that you also share with me. Thank you for welcoming me into your worlds! :)
Oh, and on a good note. I didn't roll out of position once tonight! FINALLY. I did kick my legs up a few times without realizing, but I atleast never tried to jump up or roll away. :)