This morning was maintenance. It was bad, it was good, it was needed.
Last night my husband mentioned maintenance. I really thought he'd forget! I mean, up until now I've basically had to remind my husband about anything to do with DD.
Then he gets up this morning, and I'm trying to catch up on blogs, still have a few to go because I didn't finish before work. He comes in and reminds me that we'll doing maintenance this morning.
REALLY!? I've been so good, I really tried to get out of it. I've been working really hard at being good. I've been doing everything that I should be, except keeping up with exercise because I've been so busy. But we agreed it wasn't fair to punish me for it when I literally did not have enough time to do it, and I lost 5lb this week, so it was good. I did get almost all the time in, just not quite all of it.
Anyway, I was watching what I was eating, I was keeping the house clean, I was making his meals when we could be home for supper, I was taking on more responsibility for the cats, I was being very polite, I was getting to bed on time, I was making sure I didn't leave the car lights on, and made sure I wasn't speeding. I was in a better mood. I had even risked yesterday getting in trouble at work to get him the keys during my shifts so that he wouldn't have to wait around for them until my next break. I didn't want to have a maintenance spanking.
But I was getting one, no matter what. :( I went and laid down over his knee. I felt so much relief when he only started with a light spanking. He spanked a good 30 spanks and I told him he could spank me a bit harder if he wanted because he was spanking so softly. I thought he might have still been afraid because of the bruises the other day. He said not to worry, he had the wooden spoon as well. WHAT? Where had he been hiding that? The only thing that had helped me stay calm so far was the fact that I thought he'd only be using his hand.
The spoon hurt, it hurt a lot. I didn' t understand. I had been so good, why was he being so hard on me? I tried to beg him to ease up, that it was hurting way too much, but he said it was up to him to decide what I would get for a spanking. By 30 spanks or so, I was bawling, and not the quiet kind I usually do, but the kind like I did a few weeks ago.
After he was done, I tried to just bawl, and retreat like last time I bawled like this. My husband wouldn't have it. He ordered me to let him cuddle me. He held me and told me how proud of me he was. How proud he was for how well I was doing at work, for how good I'd been doing, and that he loved me. He just kept holding me and rubbing my back.
He was worried that I was still distant after a bit, but I told him I was actually processing. It was hard to get through the spanking. I wasn't allowed to manipulate any part of it. Which is of course something I've been wanting, but it was so hard!
It took a a good ten to fifteen minutes for me to just accept that this was a good thing. We were soon able to talk and have a good time before I had to rush off to work, and now I feel great... but giving up control this morning... I didn't like it... but I already see evidence now that I'm back home tonight that I needed the maintenance/role reaffirmation and that I'm already becoming a better wife in being submissive, I did things tonight for my husband that I just normally don't do all because I felt I should and that it would please him. I just hope I can continue to keep giving up control... and that it won't be so hard to do so.