UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Changes In Me

I had a moment of panic this morning.  I get on and it says my account has been compromised, and that my blog was deleted!  I had to go through a verification process to get my account back. :(  And thankfully when I got verified, my blog showed back up!  I was thinking the other day I should back up my posts.  Now tonight that is exactly what I'll have to do!

Last night I got my husband to check on my bottom because I thought that it felt good, but something me kept feeling like I should have him check it.  We don't really have any mirrors that are low, and the one that is, it's in a room with bad lighting, so I just never bothered to check for myself.

Imagine my surprise when he says that my bottom is all bruised!  I actually got him to take a picture so that I could see, it was that, or get a flash light for the one mirror I could have used.  LOL  It has a number of bruises, and the funny thing is, they don't hurt at all.  The even weirder thing is that I don't bruise.  I've only bruised a few times in my life, and they involved bad accidents or broken bones. 

So we decided last night that we will not be using the loopy anymore unless he uses it softer, or for very serious infractions.  We also talked about doing a butt rub/massage like LDD talks about after the warm up.  We don't really do that because I don't bruise, and weren't worried about brusing.  Now we'll definitely be making sure we do that! :)

So lately I've seen some good changes in me.  I've listed some that I've seen in my husband a few weeks ago, but feel I should admit to the changes in me.

1.  The other day I was very frustrated with my husband.  Instead of attacking him, I calmly went off to be by myself to process.  Normally I would have cut him down... sadly. :(  But this time I made sure to be able to calm down before talking to him.

2.  Last night my husband decided to get take out, and got me the wrong thing.  Normally this would have really aggravated me, and even made me yell at him for asking what I wanted in the first place and then not getting it.  Last night I didn't do that.  And it was evident how much I had done it in the past because my husband was all worked up and apologizing.  I told him it was no biggy, and actually told him that he was the HOH, so if I did have a problem with it, and if I did yell at him, that disrespect is one of the four D's that I am not allowed to do.

3.  I am having a lot more control over eating than I thought I could.  I don't even feel controlled, or missing my treats.  Today I go back to work, so I might miss them then, but so far, no.

4.  It felt great to clean the other day because it was expected of me.  It was great to have my husband come home and tell me how proud of me he was.  Normally I wouldn't have worked so hard.  Normally I would have forced myself through the process.  But not this time.

5.  I find myself asking for permission more.  And I'm no longer just accepting invitations out to places anymore.  If someone wants to come over, or wants us to go out, I tell them I have to check with my husband first.  (Oh yeah, Sweetie, I've forgotten to ask you for two days now about my dad visiting)  LOL  He reads this, so that'll make me remember to ask.  lol

So life is more relaxing, my husband is happier and feels that he doesn't have to be worried all the time about me anymore.  He's very happy with how things are going, and we continue to talk about what we're learning, and learning that we make mistakes, and that is okay.  I told him I'm not even worried about the bruises because I honestly feel fine.  I'm not sore today, and I know some people are for days afterwards.  He believed me after we talked for a couple of minutes.  And I'm glad.

I can't wait to see the ways I grow more and more into the wife he needs. :)  I'm so glad for this change.

12 comments:

  1. Sounds like you're making some wonderful progress! Doesn't it feel good? Sorry about the bruising. Sometimes I bruise, sometimes not and doesn't seem to be a certain implement or anything. *shrug* The rubbing didn't seem to make a difference either, but apparently it does for some. Anyway, I'm happy for you! :)

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    1. It actually does feel good. :) I'll have to talk to my husband, and let him know that I still may bruise, and it's okay if I do. You saying that about brusing sometimes and not makes sense, we have used the loopy a few times, and that was the first time it bruised. I do feel like my cycle will come in the next day or two, and if it does, that may play a part as well. Not sure. Thanks for all your encouragement so far. :) I hope I can keep growing. :)

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  2. Es May, those are a lot of big changes. The biggest change might be that you like the changes. You're not worked up that he made you change. Now, how wonderful is that?
    I can imagine that he feels worried about the bruising. Let's be honest, it is strange to inflict pain and bruises to the one you love.

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    1. I never thought of it that way... but I am very glad for the changes in me. But I guess there is a point to that. I love my husband, and unless he was right out mean, I hope I'd never get worked up that he made me change. :) And you're right. It is wonderful! :)

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  3. Hi EsMay, This made me smile. It sounds as though you are making some good progress and it's great when we can recognise these positive changes. It always hits me like a light bulb LoL. It's a lovely feeling isn't it?

    As for the bruising, I'm with Grace. Sometimes I bruise, sometimes not and it's doesn't always seem to correlate to the implement (although it is more likely to happen with some than others). Glad it's not sore so, arnica may help.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. I am glad my post made you smile. :) It is a VERY lovely feeling... I feel like such a better person. This change has made me stronger, believe in myself more, and made me happier. It takes all I have in me not to tell the world hoping it will help them too! :) Is Arnica a cream? Yeah, the bruising is significant, but no soreness. :) I told my husband what you and Grace said, and he said that he's actually not worried about it anymore. SO GLAD! :)

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    2. Hi EsMay, I'm so thrilled, you sound so happy :) With my husband's help, and living this lifestyle, I too feel much stronger and have a lot of self confidence and am generally much happier all round.

      Yes, Arnica can be purchased at any pharmacy as a cream or a gel that can be rubbed onto the bruising. One of it's specific healing properties is to reduce bruising. I believe you may be able to get it as a liquid as well, which you would take ... um ... before? LoL. I'm not so sure about that one though.

      Hugs
      Roz

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    3. I am more happy now than I've been since I was first married. :) Isn't it amazing that when we give up control that is when the strength and more happiness comes? I never would have thought. :)

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  4. Hi EsMay
    Sounds like you well on your way in your journey. It's amazing how good it feels when we start to see the changes. I have started to realise this too.
    Sorry about the bruising, as others have said its not always the implement, but some do leave bruises. I always have a small bruise or two. Hubs doesn't worry about them anymore. It's just one of those things for him, it just happens :(
    Arnica is a herbal cream or gel and can be bought in most chemists, it's really good and if applied right after the spanking can really reduce the bruising, if you're allowed to put cream on after. Unfortunately I'm not allowed to rub or cream till the next day, he doesn't believe in anything that might ease the pain and let me forget what has just happened.
    I'm pleased for you, keep up the good work and be good x

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    1. I think my hubby will let me get it, and use it, but I'll have to double check. :) I have to remind him that he's probably not supposed to rub my cheeks afterwards. It's so natural for him to want to soothe me afterwards. And I will try to keep being good. :)

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  5. Made me smile too! You are both working so hard and it's encouraging to see the changes.

    Same here with the bruising. It doesn't happen often but sometimes a certain implement will change that. My husband doesn't like it so he tends to put that one away. I don't complain. :)

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  6. I'm glad I'm making so many people smile! :) Hmmm, maybe I can convince my hubby to put the ones the bruise away as well. ;) jk Thank you for the notes about the comments too, I didn't realize it was on. Not a fan myself. I think I got it to work turned off. Let me know if it doesn't. :)

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Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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