I have been looking into Domestic Discipline for several months now. My husband and I have been playing around with it for the past month, talking about ideas, how we'll handle situations, and about whether this is really right for us.
My husband was so against the idea at first. He thought I just wanted to be spanked. He was worried it was just a fetish, but most of all he worried he'd have to be punishing me all the time. We talked about it for months, about once every 3-4 weeks because I didn't want to over whelm him. For a good 4 months or so, he thought this way. And then about a month and a half ago, I finally found the words to portray what I meant.
I let him know how I was struggling to be the kind of woman I wanted to be, for him, for God, for myself. I told him I had never had to be accountable to anyone. I had always been allowed to do what I wanted because I'd always had a strict moral code, and so people found me very trustworthy. But that didn't teach me a thing about self control and self discipline when I was faced with something I didn't have a huge conviction for. I want to keep my house clean, but a lot of times I just skim past to what is acceptable. I want to lose weight, but have a hard time staying motivated to exercise. I used to be a very laid back person, but since loosing a baby 2 hours after it was born last year (our only born child), I find there are times I completely break down, and wish afterwards someone had just stepped up and told me to calm down and to stop yelling.
I also told him how I would feel guilty when I had done something wrong, but with no real way, that I could find, to effectively punish myself, I often went around feeling lost. I told him how secure it would make me to have to be accountable to him. How it wasn't about being spanked. I also went over the other disciplines people have talked about with him like writing out lines, corner time, going to bed early, loss of priviledges. I also told him that in our marriage he feels quite loved and secure, but that is because I wear the pants in the family, and he knows I hate it. I feel completely out of my element leading our household. I feel lost having to make decisions on my own.
So I let him know that I love him, but that I needed him to step up. I told him I just needed help being the best I could be, and that his participation would be out of love, and not putting me beneath him. I also have been feeling so distant from him, so disconnected, and I wantd to see if this would help. And let me tell you, he's been stepping up. It's still small, but I already see a vast improvement. He also realizes he won't be punishing me all the time. But we have sat down and written out some rules, and plan to add a few more each week for the next few weeks.
- So far I have a chore list for 5 days a week.
- I have an exercise schedule for 5 days a week.
- I have to be in bed by 11:30pm.
- I need to be up by 8:15am. (My husband doesn't work until mid morning)
- I have to be careful of what I watch, read and listen too.
We even wrote out what the minimum discipline would be for each infraction, and he can add to that based on what he feels is best at the moment. We've gone with these for a few weeks, and are now ready to look into more. This week I hope to add to the list things like Swearing, I never swear unless I'm really angered, but when I get to that point... it's not good. :( Thankfully I've only been that mad about 8 times this year, but still, it needs to be dealt with. I also want to add to the list that I'm not allowed to rant, ever, it's always at the same time as the swearing, so about 8 times this past year... but I want them to both be their own offenses.
I am so excited for this new lifestyle we're going to live. I am so excited to see how it will strengthen our marriage and bring us closer together.